Game of Thrones seasons 1-3 musings
SPOILERS lol jk if you have ever even been on social media within the last 5 years you already know everything that's happened
So this is it guys, I finally watched Game of Thrones, well part of it. My friend Sarah had been pestering me to watch it and then it was my brother pestering me, and I'm sure someone else would've come along pestering me as well. Here's a hint for you guys in the future: if you want me to watch a show, don't tell me to watch it, tell you like it and that it's good and then LEAVE IT AT THAT. Because for some reason I have some deep seated need to hate everything that people say I should like and most of the time it's not fair (e.g. Doctor Who). So where did I fall with this show.... let's see....
So with season 1, not so much a fan. I can totally get how people get down with this show but it's entirely too much for me, I suffer from a rare disease called "Generic White Boy Face Blindness", it's caused by TV, film, literature, and my entire American history class always being entirely comprised of white dudes. You know what's cool about diversity? You get different points of view instead of the same. one. over. and. over. and. over. again. I really struggled trying to just simply follow the story. Am I stupid? It's quite possible.
So my summary of season 1 is like this: Lannister sibs be banging it out in the tower then the little shit Stark comes climbing up the wall and Lannister bro pushes little dude out. Then like half the family goes to downtown Kingdomland with Papa Stark and the other half just straight chillz back at the homestead. Then some ninja comes in and tries to straight jack the little cripple kid and Mama Stark is like DAFUQ gotta be that Lannister bullshit and she's had it up to HERE *raises hand to eye level* WITH THEIR FUCKING GARBAGE and goes out and kidnaps Peter Dinklage. Also, Jon Snow is like a half Stark and he matters for some reason and he goes to be a nun for safety of the kingdom and some shit and some reason we keep coming back to him and I don't know why because PAAAAAAAAAASS. Meanwhile down in Kingdom downtowntopia, kings fucking around on his wife and wife be like BYE I'm in a family way and by that I mean I like banging my brother and oh yeah all of our children are his which ANYONE WITH EYES CAN FUCKING TELL but sure, he didn't know. He never finds out because he gets killed by a boar or something which was the LannisterBro's doing or it wasn't? Maybe it was the mayor from the wire's doing? But Papa Stark somehow commits treason for like carrying a letter from the king before he died or something and that starts this whole war between the Lannisters and the Starks. I mean tensions were already bubbling up because of the whole Peter Dinklage getting kidnapped by Mama Stark thing but he's saved by some rando that fights in his honor and they become pals and shit, why? BECAUSE STORY. Little child-of-incest-Middle-Earth-Hobbit-Draco-Malfoy mother fucker is king and beheads Papa Stark despite the fact that it just fucked up everything because he's a douche and I actually got a little sad then. There's a little girl Stark and everyone calls her a little boy and she learns to sword fight and there's a ginger Stark, which where dafuq did she come from?, is supposed to marry into Joffrey, ByProduct of Inbreeding, so there's that. Then there's blonde Daeyesnaraiuas girl. I'm going to call her Khaleesi because that's easier than her name (it looks like her name was supposed to be Diane Thomas or some shit and George R R Martin typed it out with his elbows and just stuck with it). But she gets married off to some sexxxxxy ass mofo, raped by him, and then Stockholm syndromes herself into loving him and having his baby and though he's the only dude on the show that was a bonafide bad ass, he dies from like a paper cut he gave himself. I have no clue what happened there but ACTUALLY he dies because Khaleesi chick smothers him after some magic shit goes awry and then she sets him and the witch and herself on fire and then has some dragons instead of a baby. And, oh yeah, like in the background of every scene is some random gratuitous lesbian action because sure, why not? We can call this a show and make it a porn, cool.
The dudes on the show were dumb, boring, and for the most part pointless. If I can't tell who you are and what you bring to the story, then you don't need to be in a story. EDIT THIS SHIT OUT!!!!! The chicks I could sort out, at least they look different. I think I like Khaleesi chick the best and that might be because she's the only girl who's not a Lannister, a Stark, or a whore. I mean, it's frustrating for me who likes character driven shows to have all these characters and nothing but extensive plot. Half of these people are just pawns to move along the story. I hate shit like that. Now, just for clarity, at this point of my review/rant/thoughts, I have only seen season 1 (I'm writing as I go along so y'all know my though process each step of the way. It's so fucking fascinating, what DOES colleen think of game of thrones? I WAIT WITH BATED BREATH) so maybe *hopefully* that will change. I think I'd like it much more if there were no Lannisters. Or Starks. Or whores. So just doggos and dragons. TO BE CONTINUED.....
So season 2 is better and worse than season 1. Things it did better: introduced 2 whole characters that were not white (though to be fair, one dude was seen just the once and the other dude turned out to be a villain so it didn't even do a good job of that and side note as I was writing this is when the Alton Sterling and Philando Castile shootings took place. Yet even here in this fantasy world, the people of color are pushed to the background or given the title of villain. This systemic racism pervades into every corner of our lives, even into our entertainment. It's fucking disgusting, this is supposed to be a fantasy story, meaning anyone could be anything, any color and yet it's way more than predominantly white and predominantly male. We got to be better than this. I'm pissed again.) and introduced some girls that weren't whores. Jon Snow was the worst part of this season, I know everyone loves him and calls him a bad ass and maybe I too will be singing a different tune but as of now, he's all angst walking in the snow and I'm over here banging my head against the table whenever he's on the screen because it's so fucking pointless. I followed this season better than I did last season and I don't know if it's because I'm used to some of the characters (but then they introduced like a million more people, fuck me, please all die) or because I watched with subtitles on sometimes or because someone sat down and talked me through who some of these new randos were. It's probably a combination of the three things though some of this shit was still lost on me so maybe I really am fucking stupid???
So let's see if I remember this correctly.... Tyrion, little dude, goes back to the main kingdom place to be the hand of the king while the real hand of the king is fighting Joffrey's fucking battles. The Lannister sis is super not happy about this from some reason that I never really understood. Then there's dudes like overseas or some shit and one of those is the brother of the king B dude who died last season by a boar and he's like lets spread the word that the little dipshit Joffrey is a little incest baby and I'ma go reclaim my throne. Then everyone is talking shit about the Lannister twinsies bangfest and that's really fun because fuck them. And there's some ginger witch in there, I don't know what the point of her is either. Then Starks are like fuck the 7 kingdoms, we're our own shit, let's Brexit this bitch, and apparently are kicking ass at it too. That is until their fake son goes home to his real dad and betrays his captors because DUH (at the same time as awkwardly feeling up his sister because INCEST) and he's annoying. He takes over his previous place of being kidnapped and then his dudes that are with him are like fuck this place and burn this mother to the ground and they knock out the fake Stark bro and nothing in my life made me as happy as when that happened (I was literally saying "shut the fuuuuuck uppp" when they knocked him out, it was great). Arya was on her way to the big wall but then was captured and then like saved some dude in a cage and he's like because you saved me and my bros, I will totes kill 3 peepz for you, gimme some names. I liked this story line though the dude gave me a total pedo vibe and I was like girl, maintain your distance. But he frees her and then is like hit me up some time and you can change your face and murder people too. But I'm over here if this dude can straight up change his face and murders people like it's nobody's business, how the fuck did he get caught in the first place? Seems convenient. (Because STORY) Brother Stark falls in love with some bitch after watching her chop off some rando's leg (which has to be some sort of kink right?) and they get secret married though he's supposed to marry some other bitch because he got a bridge. Khaleesi is being some sort of girl Moses, wandering the desert with her people until she gets to this promiseland where they kill everyone and steal her dragons but Khaleesi is like are you fucking kidding me? I'm the mother fucking mother of dragon's and straight peaces out of that bitch and is about to sail her tiny little ass over to kingdom place and join the fight for a piece of uncomfortable living room furniture. In the kingdomland, B brother shows up and gets his ass handed to him because of Tyrion's green bombs and his dads troops and Lannister sis gets shitty and shitty and between the love for her kids and her hateful drunk personality, she almost won me over. If it weren't for the incest, and I don't mean just her brother because now she's banging her cousin because she really likes the idea of her family tree being a goddamn line. Then the girl from Hunger Games is like woooooooooo Joffrey you're so dreamy please can I bang you forever and he's like yeah but there's this ginger Stark over here that I'm stuck with and his mom, probably still drunk, is like man fuck that bitch. Take the hottie from the hunger games. I'm sure some other shit happens too but that's the main bit of it.
I really did like Arya's storyline and it was nice/sad to see Drogo again. Little interesting bit, getting to see the Hound's humanity when the whole castle place was burning to the ground. He's like I like murder but not so much a fan of fire. I hear you dude, and in the absence of Drogo, I am feeling that dude a bit (I like my dudes scary, this is nothing new). The new girl players in the story were diverse (in personality lol not skin color obvi. George RR Martin is like lets keep this shit WHITE) and I'm not sure exactly where I'm supposed to fall with Hunger Games girl. A couple people told me that the Tilda Swinton bitch is legit and I liked her murdering a bunch of dudes in the forest and then burying the whores that they strung up #GirlPower. I see how it's all just pieces being moved around to set up for something, I just wish it didn't take so fucking long and there weren't so many fucking pointless people and interactions and banging. It seems like a lot of some old white dude's wish fulfillment.....hmmm........ TO BE CONTINUED
Season 3, my favorite so far for many a reason and you guys probably won't like some of them. Why don't I just start off by doing my best to summarize what the fuck just happened. Lets get the worst parts out of the way, Jon Snow is with some wildlings trying to get over the wall, bangs a ginger wildling then betrays her and she obviously tries to kill him because she's a ginger and a wildling??? OF COURSE Meanwhile fat Sam is saved by Jon Snow's doggo wolfie because that's who Jon Snow really loves, walks in the snow, helps some bitch with a baby, kills a white walker thingy and gets back across the wall. UGH ANYWAYS Margery aka Hunger Games Girl is betrothed to King Joffrey the Douche and asks Sansa what she got to deal with. Sansa, aka the girl with no back bone, was like he's a douche and he sucks and Margery is like WOO I've totally dealt with worse, I can make this work and make it work she does. Last season Joffrey was almost straight merked in the streets for pulling that killing babies shit and now they are all chanting his name and throwing roses at his feet. Lannister sis is NOT OKAY WITH THIS, maybe because she knows strings are being pulled and she likes to be the one that pulls the strings but I think it's probably her predilection to banging her family members and Joffrey is finally at prime boning age. Anyways, she tells her dad like hey listen dude, these Tyrells are wanting to fuck our shit up and we got a nice thing going here and dad is finally like, you have a point. So he marries his daughter off to Margery's brother and Tyrion off to Sansa and this family tree just gets a little straighter. I mean like 2 weeks ago Margery was Joffrey's aunt and now she's gonna marry him and then the Lannister sis is Joffrey's mom and Margery's mother in law and also Joffrey's and Margery's sister in law. Lannister bro gets his hand cut off and cries about how hard it is to face adversity to Tilda Swinton, a woman who fought her entire life to be a knight, and she tells him to stop being a little bitch and man up. The B brother (bararkjasnthaeon) does some shit with the Ginger witch and she really wants to kill the bastard child of the former king that was walking about with Arya for a bit. Arya is working her little ass off to get to her family and keeps getting caught by fighting dude people and they all fall in love with her because she's fucking awesome and fierce and better than almost every single person on this show. Hound catches her and there begins the best buddy roadtrip movie/show ever. She's trying to get to this castle where her uncle is getting married to one of Filch's daughters. Filch is very unhappy because Big Bro Stark was supposed to marry his daughter but he's got a kink for bitches who chop off legs and what was he supposed to do when he sees some hot high born bitch in the middle of a battle chopping off dude's legs? NOT MARRY HER? Impossible! But Filch is a forgiving dude.... LOL NO HE'S NOT LOOK AT HIM HE'S THE KIND OF DUDE THAT WOULD STAB YOU FOR SAYING THE CHICKEN WAS TOO DRY. So he did exactly what he looks like he would do and straight murdered the whole Stark family in his hizouse, Big Bro Stark, Wife Stark, Unborn baby Stark, all the fighters for the Starks and oh yeah MAMA STARK. Mama Stark is the fucking worst mom, she's spent the past 3 years following her grown ass son around instead of BEING A MOM TO HER KIDS WHO ARE STILL FUCKING KIDS INCLUDING A LITTLE CRIPPLED NUGGET. So when girlfriend's neck was sliced open, I said, BYE BITCH! But the doggo wolfie!!!! THEY KILLED THE DOGGO WOLFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ARYA but Arya passes by some dude bragging about killing the doggo wolfie and she jumps off the horse she's riding with the hound and straight murders that dude. The Hound is all like, girl can I get a little warning? But Arya don't play that shit and I think she said that weird pedophile murdery dude from last season's name so next season she looks to be in assassin training YAY! Khaleesi, still not on the same board with all the other lame-os but playing the game much better than them, is just freeing slaves, making people fall in love with her, and BUILDING AN ARMY, she is beautiful and she is a queen. I think that's it. OH and the fake Stark bro gets his ding dong chopped off.
So I'm glad to get some real deaths of consequence, I feel like any time one person dies like 95 new characters are introduced so that's something to NOT look forward to next season but this season was definitely an improvement from the previous two. Margery is a bit of a wild card and I like that and Tyrion is the only Lannister with any kind of conscience and I feel so bad he had to marry Sansa. And Sansa needs a back bone or something, it's just pathetic. So in summary, the dudes are still boring and the girls are still better and this season is better because the girls have more story lines than before and I know a little bit better who the characters are.
SO IN SUMMARY, I like the show, I don't love it. I don't feel this need to KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. When I'm watching it, I'm entertained but I could never watch another episode and I don't think I'd care. I wasn't sad during the Red Wedding but I was a little sad when Ned Stark died and I have a bone to pick with that. I kept thinking about that afterwards, was I sad because I really liked the character or was I manipulated to feel that way? I kept thinking about the Buffy episode "The Body" (stay with me here, also spoiler alert for Buffy. But are spoiler alerts warranted for 20 year old shows?), that's the episode where Buffy finds her mom dead from an aneurysm and any person who's ever watched Buffy knows that episode because it's fucked up and it fucks you up. In the later seasons of BtVS, Joss Whedon for the most part gave the show runner reigns to other peepz but he would always come back and do an episode and he gave us some of the best, cutting edge, impressive storytelling that TV had and has ever seen. Don't believe me? Watch "Hush", watch "The Body", watch "One More Time with Feeling", those aren't just great episodes because you are a Buffy fan, those are just great episodes. Anyways back to "The Body", one of the things that episode is known for is it's lack of music. Not a big deal you might say, well it is. Music in movies and TV shows has a way of directing us how to feel and by removing it all together, it takes away any comfort, any forced sadness, any heart strings pulled and what is left is raw. You hear Buffy's mom's chest crack when Buffy gives her CPR, the kids playing outside when the ambulance is called, there is nothing to comfort you. You are in that moment with Buffy and its absolutely fucking heartbreaking but it's authentic. It's fucking real. I swear there's a point to this and I'm coming around up on it right now. When Ned Stark is beheaded, there's this whole swell of music and these artistic shots and slow motion, it's orchestrated by a very good conductor, but is it real? Was I sad or was I tricked into feeling sad? Is it good storytelling to be tricked into an emotion? It's good editing and cinematography but I don't think it's good storytelling. That's where the problem lies for me, I need good storytelling. Now I see all these players on the board, all being moved around and manipulated, and I see it's building to something bigger and I have complete faith that there will be a pay off in the end, I just don't like being treated like some mindless meatbag in the mean time that can be swayed by some sheet music and an aerial shot of ravens flying and that's how GoT feels to me sometimes, like with all of its complex, extensive plot, I must be a dullard to not follow it all, it's soooo high brow and sooooo smart. Like I genuinely, truly have no idea why Jon Snow was north of the wall and why he was separated from everyone and just in general what the fuck is going on. Maybe that's my fault, I think my eyes glaze over from boredom whenever he's on the screen or anything to do with the Night Watch actually, anything to do with the north of the wall. I need someone to sit down and catch me up on what I just watched and then hold my eyes open when fat Sam and Jon Snow come on the screen because I am struggling.
So I've definitely pointed out the things I don't like like the lack of diversity (though season 3 had thousands of black and brown people in it, they just were all the slaves. Hmmmmm) or the super gratuitous sex scenes that happen for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The diversity thing never improves but the needless, random sex bits does chill the fuck out. For that I am grateful.
What I liked that I thought I would like:
-Tyrion - he's drunk! he's a decent human being! and he's a Lannister? GASP
-Khaleesi - despite her initial Stockholm syndrome, she's a ruler with compassion, grace, and unyielding power. Oh...yeah....she's also the mother of mother fucking dragons #BadBitch
-Arya - she may be little but she is fierce!!
What I liked and didn't know I would like:
-MOTHER FUCKING GRANDMA TYRELL, HOW IS EVERYONE NOT TALKING ABOUT HER CONSTANTLY?? SHE IS THE BEST PART OF THIS SHOW, I WOULD WATCH AN ENTIRE SHOW OF HER JUST BOSSING PEOPLE AROUND, SHE IS PERFECT
-Hound - he is scary and evil and has crazy good chemistry (but not in a creepy way) with Arya, again if there was an entire show dedicated to them roadtripping on horses, I'd watch the SHIT out of it
-Drogo - daaaaaaaaaaayuuuuuuuuuuuuum
-doggo wolfies - I didn't know wittle woofs woofs were in the show!!!
-Red Wedding - BYE!! which then lead to my favorite scene of the entire show so far....
What I thought I would like but didn't:
-Jon Snow - is it me or is he in a constant state of brooding and angst? So you're a bastard son? You're a white dude, raised in a rich well to do family, shut the fuck up. and don't be surprised when you fuck over the girl you "love" (he's in love with fat Sam, lets be real guys) that she shoots you with a zillion arrows (if only she were a better shooter!)
-Lannister family in general - I don't know why but I felt like people talked about them like they were awesome but instead they are creepy and awful, pass
-Stark family in general - Ned is aiight, Robb is generic, there are other brothers but who cares, Sansa has no back bone, and Mama Stark is the fucking worst mom ever. She just straight abandons her children, one who is a fucking cripple, to go traipsing around with her oldest while they are at WAR and then does fucked up shit like letting Jamie go and fucks over her oldest son. She was around for political reasons, she had the hook up, okay except NOT. Only thing she hooked Robb up with was the bridge under the pretense that he'd marry one of Filch's girls and guess what? HE DIDN'T and guess what happened next? FILCH STRAIGHT SLAUGHTERED THEM, they would've been better off if they never fucking got the bridge.
What I thought I would hate but didn't:
-Joffrey - OKAY STAY WITH ME everyone LOATHES him soooooo much, I don't LIKE him but I don't fucking hate him to the same degree everyone else does. He's hardly even in the show and when he is, he's a douchebag but it makes me laugh because I think douchebags are funny.
Jury is still out for me on:
-Lannister sis BUT ONLY WHEN SHE IS DRUNK - when she is drunk, she is outwardly hateful and that speaks to me deep down in my core. I love it!
-Margery - I don't know what game she is playing, I like the ambiguity but I could see some shit getting fucking weird and not in a good way. But she's got to be a little bit awesome, she's got Grandma Tyrell genes in her
-Cinematography - this show has every opportunity to DELIVER on this and I think has been not THAT impressive. It's got the scenery, it's got the budget, I should be stunned more and more. There was one scene that really stuck with me, its when ginger witch is pulling up to the island where B brother is (I'm sorry guys I really struggle with the names still) and she's got the former king's bastard son, when the ship is pulling in, you first see the wreckage from the Battle of BlackWater and then the ship pulling into the shot and it's just really gorgeous. I couldn't find it online to share with you guys so you're just going to have to believe me. But for every shot like that, we get a shot of Lannister bro piss stream or this lovely gem:
Maybe I've just been spoiled with Fargo, a silly little show about crimes in the MidWest but those two seasons, they lingered with me, for example the Oh Danny Boy scene in its second season. I haven't had that kind of response quite yet (with the exception of the ship shot, that was really beautiful and awesome, I really wish I could find it).
I am looking forward to watching the later seasons, especially now that the Starks are for the most part out of play except Arya, who is the best. I can't wait to watch her assassin training, I'm excited to see what Khaleesi does next, and I hope there's lots and lots and lots of Grandma Tyrell, the savage queen. What did we ever do to deserve her? She is so great! OMG I HOPE SHE LIVES FOREVER
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Sorry this has taken so long guys, I've been on geek overload. I'm rereading Harry Potter because Sarah is reading it for the first time and I'm trying to watch Doctor Who with Tiffany because I want to write about it but I like seeing a first timer's perspective (since I'm a second timer, lol I'm still new to that fandom) and I've been working overtime and going out on occasion. These are real first world problems, I'm aware. I'll start on season 4 next week and keep writing as I go along like I did with this. I have been tweeting as I go along because people really want me to tell them my thoughts but it's too many people and it's just easier that way for me. Also, if you haven't noticed, I can be wordy if I don't have a character limit. So you can follow me on twitter @colleeeeeeeeeny (that's 9 e's) or follow the hashtag #WatchWithColleen. But I WILL finish all of GoT by the time I see my brother in August because if not I'm pretty sure I'll share the same fate as ol Ned Stark. Also fun fact! Prior to posting this, my little blog thingy here has had 1000 views. I'm pretty sure it's not all me either, NEAT!
The REAL reason I watched GoT: Donna Meagle
So this is it guys, I finally watched Game of Thrones, well part of it. My friend Sarah had been pestering me to watch it and then it was my brother pestering me, and I'm sure someone else would've come along pestering me as well. Here's a hint for you guys in the future: if you want me to watch a show, don't tell me to watch it, tell you like it and that it's good and then LEAVE IT AT THAT. Because for some reason I have some deep seated need to hate everything that people say I should like and most of the time it's not fair (e.g. Doctor Who). So where did I fall with this show.... let's see....
So with season 1, not so much a fan. I can totally get how people get down with this show but it's entirely too much for me, I suffer from a rare disease called "Generic White Boy Face Blindness", it's caused by TV, film, literature, and my entire American history class always being entirely comprised of white dudes. You know what's cool about diversity? You get different points of view instead of the same. one. over. and. over. and. over. again. I really struggled trying to just simply follow the story. Am I stupid? It's quite possible.
THOSE ARE THREE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DUDES. I SWEAR!!!!
So my summary of season 1 is like this: Lannister sibs be banging it out in the tower then the little shit Stark comes climbing up the wall and Lannister bro pushes little dude out. Then like half the family goes to downtown Kingdomland with Papa Stark and the other half just straight chillz back at the homestead. Then some ninja comes in and tries to straight jack the little cripple kid and Mama Stark is like DAFUQ gotta be that Lannister bullshit and she's had it up to HERE *raises hand to eye level* WITH THEIR FUCKING GARBAGE and goes out and kidnaps Peter Dinklage. Also, Jon Snow is like a half Stark and he matters for some reason and he goes to be a nun for safety of the kingdom and some shit and some reason we keep coming back to him and I don't know why because PAAAAAAAAAASS. Meanwhile down in Kingdom downtowntopia, kings fucking around on his wife and wife be like BYE I'm in a family way and by that I mean I like banging my brother and oh yeah all of our children are his which ANYONE WITH EYES CAN FUCKING TELL but sure, he didn't know. He never finds out because he gets killed by a boar or something which was the LannisterBro's doing or it wasn't? Maybe it was the mayor from the wire's doing? But Papa Stark somehow commits treason for like carrying a letter from the king before he died or something and that starts this whole war between the Lannisters and the Starks. I mean tensions were already bubbling up because of the whole Peter Dinklage getting kidnapped by Mama Stark thing but he's saved by some rando that fights in his honor and they become pals and shit, why? BECAUSE STORY. Little child-of-incest-Middle-Earth-Hobbit-Draco-Malfoy mother fucker is king and beheads Papa Stark despite the fact that it just fucked up everything because he's a douche and I actually got a little sad then. There's a little girl Stark and everyone calls her a little boy and she learns to sword fight and there's a ginger Stark, which where dafuq did she come from?, is supposed to marry into Joffrey, ByProduct of Inbreeding, so there's that. Then there's blonde Daeyesnaraiuas girl. I'm going to call her Khaleesi because that's easier than her name (it looks like her name was supposed to be Diane Thomas or some shit and George R R Martin typed it out with his elbows and just stuck with it). But she gets married off to some sexxxxxy ass mofo, raped by him, and then Stockholm syndromes herself into loving him and having his baby and though he's the only dude on the show that was a bonafide bad ass, he dies from like a paper cut he gave himself. I have no clue what happened there but ACTUALLY he dies because Khaleesi chick smothers him after some magic shit goes awry and then she sets him and the witch and herself on fire and then has some dragons instead of a baby. And, oh yeah, like in the background of every scene is some random gratuitous lesbian action because sure, why not? We can call this a show and make it a porn, cool.
The dudes on the show were dumb, boring, and for the most part pointless. If I can't tell who you are and what you bring to the story, then you don't need to be in a story. EDIT THIS SHIT OUT!!!!! The chicks I could sort out, at least they look different. I think I like Khaleesi chick the best and that might be because she's the only girl who's not a Lannister, a Stark, or a whore. I mean, it's frustrating for me who likes character driven shows to have all these characters and nothing but extensive plot. Half of these people are just pawns to move along the story. I hate shit like that. Now, just for clarity, at this point of my review/rant/thoughts, I have only seen season 1 (I'm writing as I go along so y'all know my though process each step of the way. It's so fucking fascinating, what DOES colleen think of game of thrones? I WAIT WITH BATED BREATH) so maybe *hopefully* that will change. I think I'd like it much more if there were no Lannisters. Or Starks. Or whores. So just doggos and dragons. TO BE CONTINUED.....
ALSO two different dudes
So season 2 is better and worse than season 1. Things it did better: introduced 2 whole characters that were not white (though to be fair, one dude was seen just the once and the other dude turned out to be a villain so it didn't even do a good job of that and side note as I was writing this is when the Alton Sterling and Philando Castile shootings took place. Yet even here in this fantasy world, the people of color are pushed to the background or given the title of villain. This systemic racism pervades into every corner of our lives, even into our entertainment. It's fucking disgusting, this is supposed to be a fantasy story, meaning anyone could be anything, any color and yet it's way more than predominantly white and predominantly male. We got to be better than this. I'm pissed again.) and introduced some girls that weren't whores. Jon Snow was the worst part of this season, I know everyone loves him and calls him a bad ass and maybe I too will be singing a different tune but as of now, he's all angst walking in the snow and I'm over here banging my head against the table whenever he's on the screen because it's so fucking pointless. I followed this season better than I did last season and I don't know if it's because I'm used to some of the characters (but then they introduced like a million more people, fuck me, please all die) or because I watched with subtitles on sometimes or because someone sat down and talked me through who some of these new randos were. It's probably a combination of the three things though some of this shit was still lost on me so maybe I really am fucking stupid???
So let's see if I remember this correctly.... Tyrion, little dude, goes back to the main kingdom place to be the hand of the king while the real hand of the king is fighting Joffrey's fucking battles. The Lannister sis is super not happy about this from some reason that I never really understood. Then there's dudes like overseas or some shit and one of those is the brother of the king B dude who died last season by a boar and he's like lets spread the word that the little dipshit Joffrey is a little incest baby and I'ma go reclaim my throne. Then everyone is talking shit about the Lannister twinsies bangfest and that's really fun because fuck them. And there's some ginger witch in there, I don't know what the point of her is either. Then Starks are like fuck the 7 kingdoms, we're our own shit, let's Brexit this bitch, and apparently are kicking ass at it too. That is until their fake son goes home to his real dad and betrays his captors because DUH (at the same time as awkwardly feeling up his sister because INCEST) and he's annoying. He takes over his previous place of being kidnapped and then his dudes that are with him are like fuck this place and burn this mother to the ground and they knock out the fake Stark bro and nothing in my life made me as happy as when that happened (I was literally saying "shut the fuuuuuck uppp" when they knocked him out, it was great). Arya was on her way to the big wall but then was captured and then like saved some dude in a cage and he's like because you saved me and my bros, I will totes kill 3 peepz for you, gimme some names. I liked this story line though the dude gave me a total pedo vibe and I was like girl, maintain your distance. But he frees her and then is like hit me up some time and you can change your face and murder people too. But I'm over here if this dude can straight up change his face and murders people like it's nobody's business, how the fuck did he get caught in the first place? Seems convenient. (Because STORY) Brother Stark falls in love with some bitch after watching her chop off some rando's leg (which has to be some sort of kink right?) and they get secret married though he's supposed to marry some other bitch because he got a bridge. Khaleesi is being some sort of girl Moses, wandering the desert with her people until she gets to this promiseland where they kill everyone and steal her dragons but Khaleesi is like are you fucking kidding me? I'm the mother fucking mother of dragon's and straight peaces out of that bitch and is about to sail her tiny little ass over to kingdom place and join the fight for a piece of uncomfortable living room furniture. In the kingdomland, B brother shows up and gets his ass handed to him because of Tyrion's green bombs and his dads troops and Lannister sis gets shitty and shitty and between the love for her kids and her hateful drunk personality, she almost won me over. If it weren't for the incest, and I don't mean just her brother because now she's banging her cousin because she really likes the idea of her family tree being a goddamn line. Then the girl from Hunger Games is like woooooooooo Joffrey you're so dreamy please can I bang you forever and he's like yeah but there's this ginger Stark over here that I'm stuck with and his mom, probably still drunk, is like man fuck that bitch. Take the hottie from the hunger games. I'm sure some other shit happens too but that's the main bit of it.
I really did like Arya's storyline and it was nice/sad to see Drogo again. Little interesting bit, getting to see the Hound's humanity when the whole castle place was burning to the ground. He's like I like murder but not so much a fan of fire. I hear you dude, and in the absence of Drogo, I am feeling that dude a bit (I like my dudes scary, this is nothing new). The new girl players in the story were diverse (in personality lol not skin color obvi. George RR Martin is like lets keep this shit WHITE) and I'm not sure exactly where I'm supposed to fall with Hunger Games girl. A couple people told me that the Tilda Swinton bitch is legit and I liked her murdering a bunch of dudes in the forest and then burying the whores that they strung up #GirlPower. I see how it's all just pieces being moved around to set up for something, I just wish it didn't take so fucking long and there weren't so many fucking pointless people and interactions and banging. It seems like a lot of some old white dude's wish fulfillment.....hmmm........ TO BE CONTINUED
THESE ARE ALSO DIFFERENT DUDES, I SWEAR!!
Season 3, my favorite so far for many a reason and you guys probably won't like some of them. Why don't I just start off by doing my best to summarize what the fuck just happened. Lets get the worst parts out of the way, Jon Snow is with some wildlings trying to get over the wall, bangs a ginger wildling then betrays her and she obviously tries to kill him because she's a ginger and a wildling??? OF COURSE Meanwhile fat Sam is saved by Jon Snow's doggo wolfie because that's who Jon Snow really loves, walks in the snow, helps some bitch with a baby, kills a white walker thingy and gets back across the wall. UGH ANYWAYS Margery aka Hunger Games Girl is betrothed to King Joffrey the Douche and asks Sansa what she got to deal with. Sansa, aka the girl with no back bone, was like he's a douche and he sucks and Margery is like WOO I've totally dealt with worse, I can make this work and make it work she does. Last season Joffrey was almost straight merked in the streets for pulling that killing babies shit and now they are all chanting his name and throwing roses at his feet. Lannister sis is NOT OKAY WITH THIS, maybe because she knows strings are being pulled and she likes to be the one that pulls the strings but I think it's probably her predilection to banging her family members and Joffrey is finally at prime boning age. Anyways, she tells her dad like hey listen dude, these Tyrells are wanting to fuck our shit up and we got a nice thing going here and dad is finally like, you have a point. So he marries his daughter off to Margery's brother and Tyrion off to Sansa and this family tree just gets a little straighter. I mean like 2 weeks ago Margery was Joffrey's aunt and now she's gonna marry him and then the Lannister sis is Joffrey's mom and Margery's mother in law and also Joffrey's and Margery's sister in law. Lannister bro gets his hand cut off and cries about how hard it is to face adversity to Tilda Swinton, a woman who fought her entire life to be a knight, and she tells him to stop being a little bitch and man up. The B brother (bararkjasnthaeon) does some shit with the Ginger witch and she really wants to kill the bastard child of the former king that was walking about with Arya for a bit. Arya is working her little ass off to get to her family and keeps getting caught by fighting dude people and they all fall in love with her because she's fucking awesome and fierce and better than almost every single person on this show. Hound catches her and there begins the best buddy roadtrip movie/show ever. She's trying to get to this castle where her uncle is getting married to one of Filch's daughters. Filch is very unhappy because Big Bro Stark was supposed to marry his daughter but he's got a kink for bitches who chop off legs and what was he supposed to do when he sees some hot high born bitch in the middle of a battle chopping off dude's legs? NOT MARRY HER? Impossible! But Filch is a forgiving dude.... LOL NO HE'S NOT LOOK AT HIM HE'S THE KIND OF DUDE THAT WOULD STAB YOU FOR SAYING THE CHICKEN WAS TOO DRY. So he did exactly what he looks like he would do and straight murdered the whole Stark family in his hizouse, Big Bro Stark, Wife Stark, Unborn baby Stark, all the fighters for the Starks and oh yeah MAMA STARK. Mama Stark is the fucking worst mom, she's spent the past 3 years following her grown ass son around instead of BEING A MOM TO HER KIDS WHO ARE STILL FUCKING KIDS INCLUDING A LITTLE CRIPPLED NUGGET. So when girlfriend's neck was sliced open, I said, BYE BITCH! But the doggo wolfie!!!! THEY KILLED THE DOGGO WOLFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ARYA but Arya passes by some dude bragging about killing the doggo wolfie and she jumps off the horse she's riding with the hound and straight murders that dude. The Hound is all like, girl can I get a little warning? But Arya don't play that shit and I think she said that weird pedophile murdery dude from last season's name so next season she looks to be in assassin training YAY! Khaleesi, still not on the same board with all the other lame-os but playing the game much better than them, is just freeing slaves, making people fall in love with her, and BUILDING AN ARMY, she is beautiful and she is a queen. I think that's it. OH and the fake Stark bro gets his ding dong chopped off.
So I'm glad to get some real deaths of consequence, I feel like any time one person dies like 95 new characters are introduced so that's something to NOT look forward to next season but this season was definitely an improvement from the previous two. Margery is a bit of a wild card and I like that and Tyrion is the only Lannister with any kind of conscience and I feel so bad he had to marry Sansa. And Sansa needs a back bone or something, it's just pathetic. So in summary, the dudes are still boring and the girls are still better and this season is better because the girls have more story lines than before and I know a little bit better who the characters are.
This one is a little bit more believable but these are also 2 completely different dudes
SO IN SUMMARY, I like the show, I don't love it. I don't feel this need to KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. When I'm watching it, I'm entertained but I could never watch another episode and I don't think I'd care. I wasn't sad during the Red Wedding but I was a little sad when Ned Stark died and I have a bone to pick with that. I kept thinking about that afterwards, was I sad because I really liked the character or was I manipulated to feel that way? I kept thinking about the Buffy episode "The Body" (stay with me here, also spoiler alert for Buffy. But are spoiler alerts warranted for 20 year old shows?), that's the episode where Buffy finds her mom dead from an aneurysm and any person who's ever watched Buffy knows that episode because it's fucked up and it fucks you up. In the later seasons of BtVS, Joss Whedon for the most part gave the show runner reigns to other peepz but he would always come back and do an episode and he gave us some of the best, cutting edge, impressive storytelling that TV had and has ever seen. Don't believe me? Watch "Hush", watch "The Body", watch "One More Time with Feeling", those aren't just great episodes because you are a Buffy fan, those are just great episodes. Anyways back to "The Body", one of the things that episode is known for is it's lack of music. Not a big deal you might say, well it is. Music in movies and TV shows has a way of directing us how to feel and by removing it all together, it takes away any comfort, any forced sadness, any heart strings pulled and what is left is raw. You hear Buffy's mom's chest crack when Buffy gives her CPR, the kids playing outside when the ambulance is called, there is nothing to comfort you. You are in that moment with Buffy and its absolutely fucking heartbreaking but it's authentic. It's fucking real. I swear there's a point to this and I'm coming around up on it right now. When Ned Stark is beheaded, there's this whole swell of music and these artistic shots and slow motion, it's orchestrated by a very good conductor, but is it real? Was I sad or was I tricked into feeling sad? Is it good storytelling to be tricked into an emotion? It's good editing and cinematography but I don't think it's good storytelling. That's where the problem lies for me, I need good storytelling. Now I see all these players on the board, all being moved around and manipulated, and I see it's building to something bigger and I have complete faith that there will be a pay off in the end, I just don't like being treated like some mindless meatbag in the mean time that can be swayed by some sheet music and an aerial shot of ravens flying and that's how GoT feels to me sometimes, like with all of its complex, extensive plot, I must be a dullard to not follow it all, it's soooo high brow and sooooo smart. Like I genuinely, truly have no idea why Jon Snow was north of the wall and why he was separated from everyone and just in general what the fuck is going on. Maybe that's my fault, I think my eyes glaze over from boredom whenever he's on the screen or anything to do with the Night Watch actually, anything to do with the north of the wall. I need someone to sit down and catch me up on what I just watched and then hold my eyes open when fat Sam and Jon Snow come on the screen because I am struggling.
So I've definitely pointed out the things I don't like like the lack of diversity (though season 3 had thousands of black and brown people in it, they just were all the slaves. Hmmmmm) or the super gratuitous sex scenes that happen for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The diversity thing never improves but the needless, random sex bits does chill the fuck out. For that I am grateful.
What I liked that I thought I would like:
-Tyrion - he's drunk! he's a decent human being! and he's a Lannister? GASP
-Khaleesi - despite her initial Stockholm syndrome, she's a ruler with compassion, grace, and unyielding power. Oh...yeah....she's also the mother of mother fucking dragons #BadBitch
-Arya - she may be little but she is fierce!!
What I liked and didn't know I would like:
-MOTHER FUCKING GRANDMA TYRELL, HOW IS EVERYONE NOT TALKING ABOUT HER CONSTANTLY?? SHE IS THE BEST PART OF THIS SHOW, I WOULD WATCH AN ENTIRE SHOW OF HER JUST BOSSING PEOPLE AROUND, SHE IS PERFECT
-Hound - he is scary and evil and has crazy good chemistry (but not in a creepy way) with Arya, again if there was an entire show dedicated to them roadtripping on horses, I'd watch the SHIT out of it
-Drogo - daaaaaaaaaaayuuuuuuuuuuuuum
-doggo wolfies - I didn't know wittle woofs woofs were in the show!!!
-Red Wedding - BYE!! which then lead to my favorite scene of the entire show so far....
What I thought I would like but didn't:
-Jon Snow - is it me or is he in a constant state of brooding and angst? So you're a bastard son? You're a white dude, raised in a rich well to do family, shut the fuck up. and don't be surprised when you fuck over the girl you "love" (he's in love with fat Sam, lets be real guys) that she shoots you with a zillion arrows (if only she were a better shooter!)
-Lannister family in general - I don't know why but I felt like people talked about them like they were awesome but instead they are creepy and awful, pass
-Stark family in general - Ned is aiight, Robb is generic, there are other brothers but who cares, Sansa has no back bone, and Mama Stark is the fucking worst mom ever. She just straight abandons her children, one who is a fucking cripple, to go traipsing around with her oldest while they are at WAR and then does fucked up shit like letting Jamie go and fucks over her oldest son. She was around for political reasons, she had the hook up, okay except NOT. Only thing she hooked Robb up with was the bridge under the pretense that he'd marry one of Filch's girls and guess what? HE DIDN'T and guess what happened next? FILCH STRAIGHT SLAUGHTERED THEM, they would've been better off if they never fucking got the bridge.
What I thought I would hate but didn't:
-Joffrey - OKAY STAY WITH ME everyone LOATHES him soooooo much, I don't LIKE him but I don't fucking hate him to the same degree everyone else does. He's hardly even in the show and when he is, he's a douchebag but it makes me laugh because I think douchebags are funny.
Jury is still out for me on:
-Lannister sis BUT ONLY WHEN SHE IS DRUNK - when she is drunk, she is outwardly hateful and that speaks to me deep down in my core. I love it!
-Margery - I don't know what game she is playing, I like the ambiguity but I could see some shit getting fucking weird and not in a good way. But she's got to be a little bit awesome, she's got Grandma Tyrell genes in her
-Cinematography - this show has every opportunity to DELIVER on this and I think has been not THAT impressive. It's got the scenery, it's got the budget, I should be stunned more and more. There was one scene that really stuck with me, its when ginger witch is pulling up to the island where B brother is (I'm sorry guys I really struggle with the names still) and she's got the former king's bastard son, when the ship is pulling in, you first see the wreckage from the Battle of BlackWater and then the ship pulling into the shot and it's just really gorgeous. I couldn't find it online to share with you guys so you're just going to have to believe me. But for every shot like that, we get a shot of Lannister bro piss stream or this lovely gem:
Maybe I've just been spoiled with Fargo, a silly little show about crimes in the MidWest but those two seasons, they lingered with me, for example the Oh Danny Boy scene in its second season. I haven't had that kind of response quite yet (with the exception of the ship shot, that was really beautiful and awesome, I really wish I could find it).
I am looking forward to watching the later seasons, especially now that the Starks are for the most part out of play except Arya, who is the best. I can't wait to watch her assassin training, I'm excited to see what Khaleesi does next, and I hope there's lots and lots and lots of Grandma Tyrell, the savage queen. What did we ever do to deserve her? She is so great! OMG I HOPE SHE LIVES FOREVER
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Sorry this has taken so long guys, I've been on geek overload. I'm rereading Harry Potter because Sarah is reading it for the first time and I'm trying to watch Doctor Who with Tiffany because I want to write about it but I like seeing a first timer's perspective (since I'm a second timer, lol I'm still new to that fandom) and I've been working overtime and going out on occasion. These are real first world problems, I'm aware. I'll start on season 4 next week and keep writing as I go along like I did with this. I have been tweeting as I go along because people really want me to tell them my thoughts but it's too many people and it's just easier that way for me. Also, if you haven't noticed, I can be wordy if I don't have a character limit. So you can follow me on twitter @colleeeeeeeeeny (that's 9 e's) or follow the hashtag #WatchWithColleen. But I WILL finish all of GoT by the time I see my brother in August because if not I'm pretty sure I'll share the same fate as ol Ned Stark. Also fun fact! Prior to posting this, my little blog thingy here has had 1000 views. I'm pretty sure it's not all me either, NEAT!
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