Black Mirror musings

Hey guys!! (or, more likely than not, hey nobody!)

This whole one post a month thing is very doable for me and it's making these things enjoyable again! So this month I've decided to discuss Black Mirror. I had a few friends that suggested that show to me over the years and while I refused to watch it, it wasn't for the normal Colleen-Is-An-Asshole-And-Thinks-Her-Tastes-Are-Better-And-Your-Show-Is-Garbage routine (you know the one, where I have to eat crow). No this time I refused to watch because I was scared. I thought it was a scary show! And I thought I would have nightmares! Because I'm a wittle itty bitty baby! But one night, I just had a wild hair up my ass I guess and I sat down and started the show. Normally, since there's only like 13 or 14 episodes, I'd be finished in like a day and a half, two and a half at the most. Well this shit is not for fucking bingeing. I watched the first episode (the one with the Prime Minister) and afterwards just put down the remote and began to reevaluate all my life decisions that lead me to this point. (More on that later)

I was told this is very much like the Twilight Zone series and I'll have to take whoever said that's word for it because I've never watched the Twilight Zone, but I liked how there wasn't necessarily an overarching story but instead an overarching theme (technology will kill us and hurt us and we did this to ourselves so we had this coming, assholes). I mean there are references to other stories, subtly, in the background, but it doesn't take away from any story telling and just really makes these stories seem more real. You can see the evolution of technology through each episode and I really liked that too. I just liked how you could be like "hey, watch this one episode with me" and even if that person hasn't seen any of the previous episodes, they could enjoy it and it didn't matter. I guess just like short stories (which is interesting because I hate reading short stories. I guess 'interesting' isn't the right word. Sorry to have misled you).

Normally I'd talk all about different elements of the show and this and that and what I thought but since it is a different set up and they are all different, I'm going to do this a little different. I'm just going to rank the episodes and then just write a little ditty about them and my thoughts. Sound good? COOL

***spoilers ahead obviously***

13. The Waldo Moment - S2E3

While I may had some issues with figuring out the rest of the rankings, there was no doubt in my mind about this one. This episode was dumb and grating and annoying and blah and very much the absolute worst episode of the entire series. Luckily, it was in the second season because I doubt I would've watched another episode if this was in the first season. Part of the reason why I hate this episode is because of the shitty cartoon version of Triumph the insult comic dog except Triumph manages to land a joke every once in awhile. Half the "jokes" are just the stupid fucking cartoon dog yelling "Mr Monroe" over and over (AND OVER) again and then talking about a dick. I mean, I'm not some high-brow snob and I enjoy a good dick joke but damn, some substance would be nice too. Now it's gotta be hard to do a political commentary comic thing about fictional characters and I really tried to remember that (But why is it just Waldo yelling Mr Monroe over and over and over again? I swear I thought I was going to throw something at my TV if that stupid fucking dog said that stupid fucking guy's name one more stupid fucking time). But then, the douchebag main character does some of the most sexist bullshit that I just was like man, this is some grade A garbage. Dude bangs girl, girl is like you are toxic to my campaign but you're cool and I'll hit you up later after this campaign shizz is finished, dude is like OMG I didn't get exactly what I want so I'm going to throw a little bitch fit to ruin your career. Fragile masculinity bullshit. Hard pass.

12. Man Against Fire - S3E5

Okay, I want to be clear, the rest of these episodes are all ranked in small varying degrees at this point on. The Waldo Moment was a rare low point in the series. This is my second least favorite episode because it didn't make much sense. So military dudes sign up and get brain washed to think that there are these feral mutants to make it easier to kill but the mutants are really just people with...diseases? Unwanted genes? How do the normal, not military, people tell them apart? I get the premise, the military making war easier on it's soldiers, but factors weren't clear, which made it not as satisfying to watch, when I end up with asking the wrong questions at the end.

11. Hated In The Nation - S3E6

This is essentially the CSI episode of Black Mirror and since Grissom isn't in it, it got a low ranking from me (I heart Grissom!). So the idea that the world can vote on the worst person in the world to "kill" them based on a Twitter hashtag, is pretty perfect, especially with the twist at the end that the "kill" switch to get rid of the robot bees is actually a murder order for hundreds of thousands of people, all of whom used the hashtag. This whole online witch hunt, world of SJW, is a little overwhelming (how many times can I be OUTRAGED by scandals and ____-gates before my outrage really means nothing?), so I like the idea that the world of online harassment where you can hid behind your keyboard anonymously without seeing any consequences of your words, actually sees consequences. This is mostly just further down my list because it took forever to get to the meat of the story (it's the longest episode) and the techy-hacking jargon  is a little eye-roll inducing. We get it, it's the future, oy vey!

10. The National Anthem - S1E1

OKAY SO, this was the first episode that I watched (well, it is the first episode in the series, so makes sense) but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. This was probably the hardest one to watch (while still being watch-able, I'm looking at you, Waldo!) and it's pretty fucking ballsy that this is what the first episode they aired. I mean, it got me talking and thinking, it seriously fucked with my head. So Princess so and so gets kidnapped and the ransom demands are for the Prime Minister to fuck a live pig on live TV. Workarounds are thought up and fingers are cut off and the public is demanding some pig fucking, for the sake of the crown. The head honcho fucks a pig but little does he know, Princess so and so is released before he even puts the tip in. It ends up being some artpiece about how we're distracted by our screens. He was duped, I was duped, and I started to ask myself, what the fuck am I watching? I normally binge shows but after that episode, I turned off the TV and went to bed. Am I that person? Would I watch the President fuck a pig? I came down on the side of 'depends who's president'. Obama? No, absolutely not. Trump? .....I think I probably would. What does that say about ME?

9. Be Right Back - S2E1

So this one fucked with me too. Okay, probably most of these episodes fucked with me if I'm going to be honest but still. Little Agent Peggy Carter is happily married and preggers and then WHAM BAM, her husband's dead. There's this new program where software-AI-majigger uses the deceased social media and emails and shit and helps with the grieving process. Realistically, it stunts the grieving process, making it next to impossible to move on. She gets further and further into this programming until she passes the point of no return. It's not just texts and emails, it's not just phone calls, it's some robot person body with hints of her dead husband but it's not her dead husband. He doesn't hug her the same, they don't fight the same way, he's a shadow of the actual man and it's glaringly obvious to Peggy Carter now that he's standing in her living room. She realizes this and tries to make him kill himself but she tells him how he should react so he reacts the way he should and it breaks her. She has to keep him. Flash forward 5 or so years later. her daughter is alive and kicking and her robo husband is living in the attic, allowed to see his pseudo daughter one day a week. Peggy is stuck with this life forever. How does she explain to future lovers/boyfriends what's in the attic?"Oh don't worry about him, he's just a robot version of my dead husband who is exceptional in bed and for all we know is programmed with murder-kung-fu skills to attack any one who steps on his turf." How does she explain this to her daughter? Is he still a secret from her family? He has to be. What an incredibly lonely life.

8. Shut Up and Dance - S3E3

So this one was a roller coaster ride for me. Little dude gets hacked and he's filmed whacking on off and then sent into some sort of blackmail spiral of despair. He's sent these texts to do these silly and then increasingly fucked up tasks so that the blackmailers don't release his home loving. It starts off simple enough, deliver a cake to Bronn (Bronn loves cake!), go on a roadtrip with Bronn (Bronn would be a great roadtripper!), rob a bank with Bronn (of course Bronn would rob a bank!), get dropped off into the woods and fight to the death under a watchful drone. At some point during this whole world's worst treasure hunt, I was like dude, everyone takes care of themselves, I get it's embarassing but am I going to rob a bank over it? Nope. But he does and he pees his pants and thinks the worst is over. Nope, not over, still coming in waves. After he wins the national championship of terrible people and is walking home, he gets a phone call from his mom. KIDDIE PORN? Okay, I see why he robbed the bank. I felt bad for him most of the episode but my knee jerk reaction after finding out it was kiddie porn was FUCK HIM. If I'm going to be honest, my knee jerk reaction is still almost the same reaction I have now. I mean, in my head and in my heart, I know it's wrong to torture someone like that, and another person ended up dying, but......kiddie porn. And remember in the beginning where he gives a little kid her toy back, JEEEESUS FUCK. everything seems darker and bleaker now, even vigilantism. By the end, I welcomed that stupid annoying troll face thing because shit was so fucked.

7. Fifteen Million Merits - S1E2

This episode followed immediately after the pig fucking episode and while very different, it's not much lighter though it is much easier to watch. This one stuck with me long after watching it. Most people refer to the pig fucking one or the social media ranking one when talking about which episode messed with them but this one really affected me, not that those didn't. These people live a slave like life, cycling for merit points to be used on purchasing, I don't know, accessories for their little avatar person, basically bullshit points for bullshit purchases, the world is dark and meaningless, human life is nothing (Trademark Black Mirror). But alas! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and the girl singing in the bathroom is the sun! (PS loved the use of this song throughout the entire series, really gave the show a sense of continuity) Dude tells singing girl that shes better than this bullshit cycling life and buys her a ticket out of this life and into......porn? What the........ ???? I guess she wasn't technically "forced" into it (unless you count the drug drink called cuppliance, which you should) but it's disgusting to watch. Dude thinks so too but he's spent all his money on her just for her to end up in porn and now he has to watch his little flower get deflowered because he aint got no money to skip it. He busts his ass to earn it all back to go back on the same show and end it all but instead he gets offered a TV show. She gets porn, he gets his own TV show. But outside of that, the whole thought of what is real and what has meaning and what does it mean to feel, all of that is discarded all for a chance to be on reality TV. Guys, the future is now.

6. Playtest - S3E2

This is one of my roommate's favorite episodes. Dude is traveling abroad after his dad died after suffering from dementia and he's shrugging off his family responsibilities and avoiding his mom. He gets his identity stolen and all his money is gone so he has to find some work on some work app. There's this video game company that wants testers and is willing to pay big money and doesn't it just sound good to be true? (Spoiler alert: it is.) He goes in to steal some photos for a random lover he just met and this stupid fucking decision led to his undoing. He gets strapped into the game thingy-ma-jig and it starts searching his mind for what he's afraid of. First there's spiders, then the bully from high school, then a girl betraying him, then A SPIDER BULLY HYBRID FUCKING NIGHTMARE, then being abandoned, and he thinks he's getting out, it's all too much for him, it's a trick, he doesn't know who he is, he too has Alzheimer's like his dad. He gets taken out of the game, it's only been 1 second and he's like fuck this, I need to go home. He goes home and finds his mom, she doesn't recognize her own son and goes to call him, the call goes through, but in real life, where he's strapped into the game still, his phone was turned on from the picture he took for the rando girl, the call disrupted the game test, and dude checked out. I'm not into video games at all so I bet if you were this episode would be like THE BEST EVER because from what I hear, it's saturated in references, but I don't know them and I don't care about them. This is what I thought this series would be like, it super freaked me out. I like the transition from like stupid every day "fears" like spiders to your deep down, darkest fears, his being not that he's going to have Alzheimer's one day, but his mom will and won't recognize him either. There's something honest and sweet about that. RIP dude

5. The Entire History of You - S1E3

So in the first season, the first episode horrified and concerned me, the second intrigued and worried me, but this episode is what hooked me on the series. Paranoid and jealous people will always be able to find ways to justify their actions but damn, technology like this sure makes it easy. I can't say I wouldn't react any other way than the characters in this story did. And while I was picking up what the main dude was in the beginning, I didn't expect the spiral it descended into- his kid not his kid, him alone in his house, replaying his memories over and over again of all the things he's missing and what may have never really been real or his to begin with, until he cuts the little grain out of his head to stay sane. Note to self: never get this technology. Also never get any technology. Back to hand written letters delivered by horse!

4. Nosedive - S3E1

I really enjoyed this one, it reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Community, the one with MeowMeowBeans. Similarly in both episodes, this ranking app defines the world (in Nosedive, the actual world, in Community, just Greendale Community college) in which these people live. In Community, it mocks the idea that your worth is judged based on a popularity contest (as the old saying goes, "fives have lives, fours have chores, threes have fleas, twos have blues, and ones don't even get a rhyme because THEY'RE GARBAGE") but in Nosedive, it takes it very seriously. Ron Howard's daughter is a pretty decent ranked person but just shy of the sweet spot, she just can't seem to break that barrier that is until her childhood best friend, a solid upper 4er, asks her to be her maid of honor. She's like into it, it makes both these assholes look good, Ron Howard's daughter, a lower 4er looks like hot shit because a higher up likes her, the upper 4er friend looks humble and kind for being friends with such a nerd. Ron Howard's daughter is like I'm already an upper 4er now and is putting the goddamn horse before the cart. She's kinda dick to some people on the way to the wedding and that score drops, she misses a flight, throws a temper tantrum, can't get a decent car, car breaks down, tried hitch hiking but people just down vote her instead of picking her up. She ends up getting uninvited to the wedding, she's like fuck it, gets drunk and crashes it anyways and gives the speech she prepared and just goes OFF on the dumb fake bitch. She gets arrested and loses her ability to be ranked and is finally free, even if it's in a jail cell. I don't think I could do that, live in a world of ranking. You can't have a bad day, you can't be grumpy or sleepy, or not feel well. You can't have a bad hair day or gain weight. I'm one of those things on any given day, that's a world that is not Colleen friendly.

3. San Junipero - S3E4

The diamond in the rough, that's this episode. This is well known as the only episode with a fucking happy ending. *cues up the song 'Heaven is a Place on Earth'* I was super confused when this started because it's taking place in the 1980s and all the other episodes are all in the future. I spend most of the episodes trying to guess what the twist is in some form or another and I'd say I'm right about 50% of the time, but not this episode. I just can't get over the fact that maybe technology can maybe used for happiness and not ruining lives. It was also very surprising to have a same sex love story, TV is rarely that frank and honest and tends to put gay or lesbian relationships in the background so they can check off LGBT on their diversity checklist without actually providing the relationship and get boycotted by that stupid fucking 1 million moms with homophobia issues group. I was torn the whole time between Kelly going to pass on her own like she promised her husband, where she might see her husband and daughter again, if afterlife is real, but I also wanted her to be with Yorkie. Also, poor, poor, poor Yorkie!! Been completely paralyzed for 2/3rds of her life and has to marry her nurse so that she can finally live a real life since her family is just a bag of dicks. I really wanted her to finally be happy, usually in this series if there's a person who seems really good and you want to root for, the longer the episode goes on, the more the character proves you wrong and makes you feel like an asshole. It was a nice break from that sort of formula, to get two characters who are who they say they are, just people, and have them end up happy together. Maybe the world isn't so fucking terrible after all?

2. White Christmas - S2E4

This one is my roommate's very episode and I loved it too. Not just because sexy Jon Hamm or because Tonks/wildling chick were in it but that definitely helped. Jon Hamm is so fucking charming, it's unnatural, I say! This one was engaging to watch. Nathan and I kept yelling out what we thought was going to happen or the twist or something (right from the beginning, when Jon Hamm said something about just wanting to talk, I was like HE'S BEING GOOD COP! THIS IS AN INTERROGATION and I was kind of right so point Colleen!) I just want to throw this thought out here, if dude's girlfriend had just been up front with him that she's a big a slutty cheating hoe bag and that baby is probably not his, THIS WHOLE ORDEAL WOULD'VE BEEN AVOIDED but instead she treated him like he did something wrong. Which is some buuuuullshit. But the whole blocking thing, seems like it's some version of the grain from The Entire History of You, and it's crazy. But at the end? That song over and over again for millions of years? Cruel and unusual punishment...

1. White Bear - S2E2

Speaking of cruel and unusual punishment, there's this shit. Similarly with The Waldo Moment, I may have had issues figuring out these rankings, I had no problem deciding this one as my favorite. I watched this like 3 times and each time I was filled with dread and fear, the people with the masks are so fucking creepy. I had no idea of the twist, that it was this huge punishment thing for torturing and murdering a little kid (BTW what is with this show and murder of kids/kiddie porn and such? Is that what the new level of technology will bring us? If so, count me out) I just loved that you saw the world through the same eyes as the girl on the run. You don't know what's going on, neither does she, she's like WTF is with everyone just watching, and you are like RIGHT ON SISTER! But that's the whole point, she sat there and watched while her fiance was all torturey and murdery. You're right there with her when she finds out it's all game, and she's a shitty person, though there are little bits in the episode where it shows. When she attacks the spectators, when she refuses to help the guy in the store and just runs out on her own, even though she doesn't know who she is, she's still a shitty, selfish person who only thinks of herself down into her core. I guess we can't change who we really are, can we?





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Thanks for reading this! I'm so glad I'm back to enjoying writing this, though this was longer than I expected it to be but it's all gravy. I have no idea what I'm going to write about next but I suppose I have a whole month to think about it, see ya on the flippy floppy, yall!