orange is the new black season 1 musings: jason biggs is the worst
REDUNDANT SPOILER WARNING
I didn't watch Orange is the New Black (referred to from here on out as OITNB) for a super long time. I had tons of people tell me to watch it, and it was even referred to as "a show specifically created for Colleen" and after watching I have to say "they're not wrong". I finally started OITNB last June right before season 3 aired, for no real reason for my delay except sometimes you just want to watch Buffy for the 6th time in a row, ya know? I'm going to try and keep this short because I'm trying to get all 3 seasons done before I go to Vegas so when I come back I can binge season 4 and write something a bit more substantial. That's my plan, who knows if I'll follow through though.
So in case you were like me and you binged all the episodes at once, it's hard to remember which season is what and who what where when why how. Essentially season 1 starts with Piper being an obnoxious yuppie bitch and ends with her potentially killing a meth head dressed up as an angel outside of a Christmas pageant (prison is weird, ya'll). This show is great, not for it's beautiful cinematography, not that it's sloppily done or anything, I don't remember any specific shot that was made me go "daaaaaamn", but for it's characters. I mean you'll be hard pressed to find a show with such a diverse group of people, who are actually fucking people, WOMEN even, and not just caricatures. And any character who might be a little flat or stereotypical, by the end of season 3, they are not. But that's too far ahead, back to season 1. As if you couldn't guess, this show is feminist as SHIT. Right in the beginning, Piper is given advice during her first day of prison, the second you are perceived as weak, you already are, which is great advice for prison and is great advice for trying to work in a male-dominated profession. Women, because we are delicate little flowers, to prove our worth, we can't be as good as the guys, we have to be better. That also applies to these felons. These girls are people, people who made mistakes and fucked up, but still people nonetheless. They aren't treated as such in prison and as Taystee finds out, they aren't treated as such out in the real world either. They have families, dreams, fears, beliefs. They enjoy the holidays, get sad, feel lonely, fall in love. But in prison, they try to take all of that away. When someone brings up the holidays and getting REAL Thanksgiving food instead of just turkey buttholes, Red wisely puts "the taxpayers don't give a shit it's the holidays, we're the bad guys." And it's easy to dehumanize these girls, to think of them abstractly. Red helped the Russian mob, Miss Claudette killed a man, Watson robbed a convenience store. Those things happened. But they didn't happen in a vacuum. Those events shouldn't be the only things that define those ladies as a person. But that's what happens when you are considered a felon, you are a sum of convictions and nothing more. OITNB does a great job of discrediting that idea.
My favorite characters I feel like are probably everyone's favorite characters. Miss Claudette, Sister Ingalls, Sophia (especially her friendship with Sister Ingalls, awwwwwwww!), Nicky, CO Susan little cutie pie, Janae Watson (run girl run!), Red, Yoga Jones, and of course, last but CERTAINLY not least, Taystee and Poussey. I love those 2 more and more with every season, but again, we are focusing on season 1. I loved getting Miss Claudette's heartbreaking back story and I was so sad to see her go. I appreciated her no-nonsense approach because the rest of the prison is a fucking nonsense-chaos haven, with Piper as one of the chief instigators. I think I love Sister so much because I went to Catholic school for 12 years and my favorite teachers ever were the nuns. No matter how fucked up the Catholic church might be, there's something about the ladies who take up the vocation of sisterhood. Maybe it's because they actually do community service and live their vow of poverty, unlike many of their priest counter parts. Maybe it's because many of them, like Sister Ingalls, are actual fucking Christians who try their best to not judge but to live in a holy and accepting way. That way of life isn't sexy and it doesn't make the headlines, but it's genuine and it's admirable.
Now for my least favorite characters, I fucking hate Healy, Pornstache, Pennsatucky, Bennett (retroactively, I can't shake season 3 Bennett from my memory so fuck him), and most of all, the king of the fucking assholes is JASON BIGGS. I'm going to dedicate a whole section to that douchesoda later. I fucking hate Healy because he's this little butthurt bitch, and like most of the people on this list, has weird fucking power issues with the ladies. He has his lesbian witch hunt which I think is about his bruised ego and belief that women shouldn't be able to exist without big alpha males like him (fucking, please just kill me now). Seriously because Healy has this little crush or idea that Piper might like him or SOMETHING, he's constantly pulling "favors" for her which more often than not, does less to help her and more to FUCK UP HER ENTIRE LIFE. But he's a man so he probably knows best, she's got a small little woman brain. Can't see past her period! Like when he picks Piper for the WAC group thingy instead of the people who won. That put her on Pennsatucky's radar. Which means that Pennsatucky attempts to kill her (Totally worth the donuts and coffee, Healy! Thanks a lot, you fucking human shaped turd!). Then on his warpath for burning lesbians at the stake, he throws Piper into solitary for dancing too close to another lady person. Everyone else, including Pornstache, was like "that's a bit harsh, bruh" but Healy thinks that the calming powers of his dick would solve all this lesbiancy once and for all, but alas, the power of dick isn't DOC approved unfortunately. He goes to visit Piper in the SHU and is like "now now, mansplanation of why I infantilized you and am continuing to do so as I speak to you in a condescending and patronizing manner" and Piper just loses it. I'm not a huge fan of Piper but in this moment I was. Then when Pennsatucky is trying to kill Piper, Healy sees it but his itty, bitty, teeny, tiny, man ego was just too badly bruised to help EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL Piper, there's nothing he could do to help prevent possibly 2 murders, so go fuck YOURself (he mutters in his car on the way home, along with all the other stuff he forgot but should've said and NEXT TIME he's going to be prepared)! Or a simpler way of saying this would be, if he were born in my generation, he'd wear a fedora and talk about how girls won't fuck him because he's SUCH A NICE GUY and then probably shoot up a sorority. But he's an old fuck so he just got himself a mail-order bride, which considering what he could've been is actually pretty respectable. But one of the worst things about Healy is the fact that he's supposed to be a counselor. He's supposed to help these girls and he sucks, he cares more about ridding the prison of lesbians instead of helping with depression, suicide, anger issues, case work, shit that the COUNSELOR IS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING HELP WITH. Now Pornstache sucks too, he's got weird power issues, but he's not this fake position of helping the girls. He is what he is, a correctional officer, he gets to tell the girls what to do and when to do it and he enjoys it a little too fucking much if you ask me. Pennsatucky is the only person on my list that is actually a prisoner (despite what Jason Biggs might fucking think, that stupid piece of shit). She's super Jesus Freak, and the Lord's #1 Christian, or as the rest of the world knows people like her, the worst fucking example of Christianity ever and probably a Trump supporter. She's like those fucking pieces of shit that protest soldiers' funerals except she's not! She's just some trashy meth head whore who is well aware of who pays her commissary and don't want that gravy train to end. She's that Facebook friend that you have that will quote how gay people are abomination because of one line in Leviticus but then conveniently forget the entire New Testament and everything Jesus fucking says about helping the poor and homeless when they post shit about not giving "handouts" to people aka welfare, aka the the poor and homeless, aka WJWD (what Jesus would do). People like that are disgusting and I fucking hate them. Also her teeth are gross and I can't stand looking at her. Also in 8 mile she got to bang Eminem or something.
Jason Biggs character, Larry (ughhhhhhhhhhhh what a terrible name. I just don't believe a pretty blonde like Piper would fuck a guy named Larry, but this is television so I suppose I just have to suspend my disbelief, right?), is such a fucking asshole. And what's worse is that Jason Biggs isn't even a good actor so it's just all around terrible. Maybe if they had someone believable play Larry, there might be an iota of fucking pity that is felt for Larry but all I feel is disdain. Since the get-go, Piper going to jail is something that is happening to HIM. It's HIS sentence too. While other people are self involved about Piper's jail time, it's less about what is happening to them and more about what Piper is going to miss WITH them. Polly says "you're missing my shower", she's not sad that she's not going to get a gift from Piper, she's sad that Piper, her best friend, is going to miss the birth of her child. But Larry, Larry can't even fucking wait ONE FUCKING WEEK before watching Mad Men. Meanwhile while Piper is being starved out, he's bemoaning and throwing a pity party that he can't have sex. He's lucky he's ever had sex in his entire pathetic life, but this piece of shit thinks that he DESERVES IT for being SUCH A GREAT GUY. I mean, he PROPOSES to her before she goes to jail just to show how great and ABOVE IT he is and then 2 weeks in to her sentence is like "oh man guys, this is hard, no one understands how hard my life is." He's talking to Piper during one of the few moments she is allowed contact with the outside world, and is like well you and Polly need to figure out this soap thing because I don't want to ask my parents for money. Here's some fucking food for thought, Larry: get a fucking job. You are 34 years old, living in your parent's house rent free, and you are asking the girl who is in jail to figure out the money situation so you don't have to ask for money from your parents? You know where you can get money? FROM A FUCKING EMPLOYER FOR DOING A FUCKING JOB. They are called paychecks and are often given every 2 weeks after doing 2 weeks worth of work. Oh but he finds work, selling out Piper's story (and still making it about his fucking "plight") to the newspaper, to NPR, to whoever will listen because he just likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Like a month and a half of her in jail and they are done-zo (though part of that actually is Piper's fault because she cheated on him with Alex, another character I do not care for) and here's a shocker for you guys, he plays the fucking victim again! Now don't get me wrong, long distance is super hard, I know from personal experience. Not being able to see or touch or talk to the person you love and care about when you want to can be frustrating and heart breaking at times, but he made this decision when he asked her to marry him before she left and unlike Piper who went to prison for her past mistakes, he isn't willing to take any responsibility for his part in their fall out. That is why he sucks so fucking hard. (Also, he totally Mayers her during a flashback about their pregnancy scare and says her body is a wonderland. What a fucking dick.)
Now despite the fact that Larry/Jason Biggs is the fucking worst, he does at one point say something smart and telling. While he's somewhat hitting on a bartender and at the same time complaining about how fucking terrible his life is because he doesn't have to pay rent and gets to go wherever and do whatever and be treated like a human being and he's sad because he wants sex but he can't because his girlfriend is in prison and HIS life is so terrible (I really fucking hate that guy), he says that her past is "indicative of an ominously shaky moral compass". And that was probably the only accurate and smart thing he said the entire fucking season. Now technically, all Piper did was carry a suitcase of money for an international drug ring, one time. And she says that like she really didn't do anything wrong. I mean in the grand scheme of things, she didn't kill anyone or torture people or ruin lives, she carried a suitcase of money. That's it. But the thing is, she spent years around an international drug ring, with people who did murder and torture people and ruin lives. She didn't fucking care. She plays it off like she was just traveling the world with someone she loved but if I try to put myself in her shoes, I wouldn't do it. I could not be a part of an organization like that. But she has this ability to separate herself from what she saw or what happened around her and what she is responsible for. In this season, she does some questionable stuff, small little things, to benefit herself. She's resourceful that way. She makes a deal with Healy (who goes back on it because he fucking sucks too) to turn in Diablo's cell phone so that they can reopen the track so she can run (and there's a great moment when Watson gets to run finally). Diablo girl finds out the cell phone is gone and FLIPS OUT and finds her self being sent to Psych, which is like the SHU times a million. Then she is getting back at Pennsatucky for sending her to the SHU so her and Alex and a few other girls in the prison convince her that she has "healing powers from God", which other than making her looking even more fucking stupid as shit, was pretty much harmless. Until Piper sends Pennsatucky into the bathroom to "heal" one of the kids from the scared straight program who is in a wheelchair. Naturally that buys the Appalachian mouth breather a one way ticket to Psych (two people in Psych because of Piper). Now you might say that Piper gets Pennsatucky out of Psych by admitting what she had done. But she's got a shaky moral compass, she's not COMPLETELY evil. She's just starting to grapple with who she really is. Is she the free spirited, traveled lesbian or is she yuppie, green-living, soap making house wife? Or maybe she's something else entirely? Piper says to the wheelchair kid, and to herself, "I'm scared I'm not myself in here and I'm scared that I am". It's too early to tell who Piper is or what she will turn into but so far we know that she will do whatever she can to get what she wants, like blackmailing the lady assistant warden in order to get a marriage form, and she's got mad anger issues, like when she beat the ever living fuck out of Pennsatucky at the end.
I really enjoyed the start of Orange is the New Black, despite what may it may seem (probably more than half of this was all a hateful rant towards the men in the show, so I seem like a crazy, man hating lady but I'm neither of those things. I just hate being perceived as less than a man and I hate those MRA ass nuggets. The show does a great job of accurately portraying them which is why I feel so much hatred. They did their fucking job. ANYWAYS....) I'm looking forward to starting up season 2 and Season 3 and writing about them. Here's a parting shot before you go:
I didn't watch Orange is the New Black (referred to from here on out as OITNB) for a super long time. I had tons of people tell me to watch it, and it was even referred to as "a show specifically created for Colleen" and after watching I have to say "they're not wrong". I finally started OITNB last June right before season 3 aired, for no real reason for my delay except sometimes you just want to watch Buffy for the 6th time in a row, ya know? I'm going to try and keep this short because I'm trying to get all 3 seasons done before I go to Vegas so when I come back I can binge season 4 and write something a bit more substantial. That's my plan, who knows if I'll follow through though.
When I realized how many times I could've rewatched this if I started sooner
So in case you were like me and you binged all the episodes at once, it's hard to remember which season is what and who what where when why how. Essentially season 1 starts with Piper being an obnoxious yuppie bitch and ends with her potentially killing a meth head dressed up as an angel outside of a Christmas pageant (prison is weird, ya'll). This show is great, not for it's beautiful cinematography, not that it's sloppily done or anything, I don't remember any specific shot that was made me go "daaaaaamn", but for it's characters. I mean you'll be hard pressed to find a show with such a diverse group of people, who are actually fucking people, WOMEN even, and not just caricatures. And any character who might be a little flat or stereotypical, by the end of season 3, they are not. But that's too far ahead, back to season 1. As if you couldn't guess, this show is feminist as SHIT. Right in the beginning, Piper is given advice during her first day of prison, the second you are perceived as weak, you already are, which is great advice for prison and is great advice for trying to work in a male-dominated profession. Women, because we are delicate little flowers, to prove our worth, we can't be as good as the guys, we have to be better. That also applies to these felons. These girls are people, people who made mistakes and fucked up, but still people nonetheless. They aren't treated as such in prison and as Taystee finds out, they aren't treated as such out in the real world either. They have families, dreams, fears, beliefs. They enjoy the holidays, get sad, feel lonely, fall in love. But in prison, they try to take all of that away. When someone brings up the holidays and getting REAL Thanksgiving food instead of just turkey buttholes, Red wisely puts "the taxpayers don't give a shit it's the holidays, we're the bad guys." And it's easy to dehumanize these girls, to think of them abstractly. Red helped the Russian mob, Miss Claudette killed a man, Watson robbed a convenience store. Those things happened. But they didn't happen in a vacuum. Those events shouldn't be the only things that define those ladies as a person. But that's what happens when you are considered a felon, you are a sum of convictions and nothing more. OITNB does a great job of discrediting that idea.
My favorite characters I feel like are probably everyone's favorite characters. Miss Claudette, Sister Ingalls, Sophia (especially her friendship with Sister Ingalls, awwwwwwww!), Nicky, CO Susan little cutie pie, Janae Watson (run girl run!), Red, Yoga Jones, and of course, last but CERTAINLY not least, Taystee and Poussey. I love those 2 more and more with every season, but again, we are focusing on season 1. I loved getting Miss Claudette's heartbreaking back story and I was so sad to see her go. I appreciated her no-nonsense approach because the rest of the prison is a fucking nonsense-chaos haven, with Piper as one of the chief instigators. I think I love Sister so much because I went to Catholic school for 12 years and my favorite teachers ever were the nuns. No matter how fucked up the Catholic church might be, there's something about the ladies who take up the vocation of sisterhood. Maybe it's because they actually do community service and live their vow of poverty, unlike many of their priest counter parts. Maybe it's because many of them, like Sister Ingalls, are actual fucking Christians who try their best to not judge but to live in a holy and accepting way. That way of life isn't sexy and it doesn't make the headlines, but it's genuine and it's admirable.
Now for my least favorite characters, I fucking hate Healy, Pornstache, Pennsatucky, Bennett (retroactively, I can't shake season 3 Bennett from my memory so fuck him), and most of all, the king of the fucking assholes is JASON BIGGS. I'm going to dedicate a whole section to that douchesoda later. I fucking hate Healy because he's this little butthurt bitch, and like most of the people on this list, has weird fucking power issues with the ladies. He has his lesbian witch hunt which I think is about his bruised ego and belief that women shouldn't be able to exist without big alpha males like him (fucking, please just kill me now). Seriously because Healy has this little crush or idea that Piper might like him or SOMETHING, he's constantly pulling "favors" for her which more often than not, does less to help her and more to FUCK UP HER ENTIRE LIFE. But he's a man so he probably knows best, she's got a small little woman brain. Can't see past her period! Like when he picks Piper for the WAC group thingy instead of the people who won. That put her on Pennsatucky's radar. Which means that Pennsatucky attempts to kill her (Totally worth the donuts and coffee, Healy! Thanks a lot, you fucking human shaped turd!). Then on his warpath for burning lesbians at the stake, he throws Piper into solitary for dancing too close to another lady person. Everyone else, including Pornstache, was like "that's a bit harsh, bruh" but Healy thinks that the calming powers of his dick would solve all this lesbiancy once and for all, but alas, the power of dick isn't DOC approved unfortunately. He goes to visit Piper in the SHU and is like "now now, mansplanation of why I infantilized you and am continuing to do so as I speak to you in a condescending and patronizing manner" and Piper just loses it. I'm not a huge fan of Piper but in this moment I was. Then when Pennsatucky is trying to kill Piper, Healy sees it but his itty, bitty, teeny, tiny, man ego was just too badly bruised to help EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL Piper, there's nothing he could do to help prevent possibly 2 murders, so go fuck YOURself (he mutters in his car on the way home, along with all the other stuff he forgot but should've said and NEXT TIME he's going to be prepared)! Or a simpler way of saying this would be, if he were born in my generation, he'd wear a fedora and talk about how girls won't fuck him because he's SUCH A NICE GUY and then probably shoot up a sorority. But he's an old fuck so he just got himself a mail-order bride, which considering what he could've been is actually pretty respectable. But one of the worst things about Healy is the fact that he's supposed to be a counselor. He's supposed to help these girls and he sucks, he cares more about ridding the prison of lesbians instead of helping with depression, suicide, anger issues, case work, shit that the COUNSELOR IS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING HELP WITH. Now Pornstache sucks too, he's got weird power issues, but he's not this fake position of helping the girls. He is what he is, a correctional officer, he gets to tell the girls what to do and when to do it and he enjoys it a little too fucking much if you ask me. Pennsatucky is the only person on my list that is actually a prisoner (despite what Jason Biggs might fucking think, that stupid piece of shit). She's super Jesus Freak, and the Lord's #1 Christian, or as the rest of the world knows people like her, the worst fucking example of Christianity ever and probably a Trump supporter. She's like those fucking pieces of shit that protest soldiers' funerals except she's not! She's just some trashy meth head whore who is well aware of who pays her commissary and don't want that gravy train to end. She's that Facebook friend that you have that will quote how gay people are abomination because of one line in Leviticus but then conveniently forget the entire New Testament and everything Jesus fucking says about helping the poor and homeless when they post shit about not giving "handouts" to people aka welfare, aka the the poor and homeless, aka WJWD (what Jesus would do). People like that are disgusting and I fucking hate them. Also her teeth are gross and I can't stand looking at her. Also in 8 mile she got to bang Eminem or something.
Jason Biggs character, Larry (ughhhhhhhhhhhh what a terrible name. I just don't believe a pretty blonde like Piper would fuck a guy named Larry, but this is television so I suppose I just have to suspend my disbelief, right?), is such a fucking asshole. And what's worse is that Jason Biggs isn't even a good actor so it's just all around terrible. Maybe if they had someone believable play Larry, there might be an iota of fucking pity that is felt for Larry but all I feel is disdain. Since the get-go, Piper going to jail is something that is happening to HIM. It's HIS sentence too. While other people are self involved about Piper's jail time, it's less about what is happening to them and more about what Piper is going to miss WITH them. Polly says "you're missing my shower", she's not sad that she's not going to get a gift from Piper, she's sad that Piper, her best friend, is going to miss the birth of her child. But Larry, Larry can't even fucking wait ONE FUCKING WEEK before watching Mad Men. Meanwhile while Piper is being starved out, he's bemoaning and throwing a pity party that he can't have sex. He's lucky he's ever had sex in his entire pathetic life, but this piece of shit thinks that he DESERVES IT for being SUCH A GREAT GUY. I mean, he PROPOSES to her before she goes to jail just to show how great and ABOVE IT he is and then 2 weeks in to her sentence is like "oh man guys, this is hard, no one understands how hard my life is." He's talking to Piper during one of the few moments she is allowed contact with the outside world, and is like well you and Polly need to figure out this soap thing because I don't want to ask my parents for money. Here's some fucking food for thought, Larry: get a fucking job. You are 34 years old, living in your parent's house rent free, and you are asking the girl who is in jail to figure out the money situation so you don't have to ask for money from your parents? You know where you can get money? FROM A FUCKING EMPLOYER FOR DOING A FUCKING JOB. They are called paychecks and are often given every 2 weeks after doing 2 weeks worth of work. Oh but he finds work, selling out Piper's story (and still making it about his fucking "plight") to the newspaper, to NPR, to whoever will listen because he just likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Like a month and a half of her in jail and they are done-zo (though part of that actually is Piper's fault because she cheated on him with Alex, another character I do not care for) and here's a shocker for you guys, he plays the fucking victim again! Now don't get me wrong, long distance is super hard, I know from personal experience. Not being able to see or touch or talk to the person you love and care about when you want to can be frustrating and heart breaking at times, but he made this decision when he asked her to marry him before she left and unlike Piper who went to prison for her past mistakes, he isn't willing to take any responsibility for his part in their fall out. That is why he sucks so fucking hard. (Also, he totally Mayers her during a flashback about their pregnancy scare and says her body is a wonderland. What a fucking dick.)
Spoiler alert: that piece of shit is.
Now despite the fact that Larry/Jason Biggs is the fucking worst, he does at one point say something smart and telling. While he's somewhat hitting on a bartender and at the same time complaining about how fucking terrible his life is because he doesn't have to pay rent and gets to go wherever and do whatever and be treated like a human being and he's sad because he wants sex but he can't because his girlfriend is in prison and HIS life is so terrible (I really fucking hate that guy), he says that her past is "indicative of an ominously shaky moral compass". And that was probably the only accurate and smart thing he said the entire fucking season. Now technically, all Piper did was carry a suitcase of money for an international drug ring, one time. And she says that like she really didn't do anything wrong. I mean in the grand scheme of things, she didn't kill anyone or torture people or ruin lives, she carried a suitcase of money. That's it. But the thing is, she spent years around an international drug ring, with people who did murder and torture people and ruin lives. She didn't fucking care. She plays it off like she was just traveling the world with someone she loved but if I try to put myself in her shoes, I wouldn't do it. I could not be a part of an organization like that. But she has this ability to separate herself from what she saw or what happened around her and what she is responsible for. In this season, she does some questionable stuff, small little things, to benefit herself. She's resourceful that way. She makes a deal with Healy (who goes back on it because he fucking sucks too) to turn in Diablo's cell phone so that they can reopen the track so she can run (and there's a great moment when Watson gets to run finally). Diablo girl finds out the cell phone is gone and FLIPS OUT and finds her self being sent to Psych, which is like the SHU times a million. Then she is getting back at Pennsatucky for sending her to the SHU so her and Alex and a few other girls in the prison convince her that she has "healing powers from God", which other than making her looking even more fucking stupid as shit, was pretty much harmless. Until Piper sends Pennsatucky into the bathroom to "heal" one of the kids from the scared straight program who is in a wheelchair. Naturally that buys the Appalachian mouth breather a one way ticket to Psych (two people in Psych because of Piper). Now you might say that Piper gets Pennsatucky out of Psych by admitting what she had done. But she's got a shaky moral compass, she's not COMPLETELY evil. She's just starting to grapple with who she really is. Is she the free spirited, traveled lesbian or is she yuppie, green-living, soap making house wife? Or maybe she's something else entirely? Piper says to the wheelchair kid, and to herself, "I'm scared I'm not myself in here and I'm scared that I am". It's too early to tell who Piper is or what she will turn into but so far we know that she will do whatever she can to get what she wants, like blackmailing the lady assistant warden in order to get a marriage form, and she's got mad anger issues, like when she beat the ever living fuck out of Pennsatucky at the end.
Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: It's okay, Dandelion. You know why? I used to spend a lot of time thinking how I could make you love me. Like, if I had long pretty hair, or if I made a chocolate cake with frosting, or if I had a green bicycle.Piper Chapman: No! You are great the way that you are!Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' Warren: I know! Because the answer is, you're not a nice person. You're a mean person. And I used to think you was a yellow dandelion, but psshh... you're all dried up with the puff blown off. And it's not your fault. You are who you are, like I am who I am.
LOL okay Piper
I really enjoyed the start of Orange is the New Black, despite what may it may seem (probably more than half of this was all a hateful rant towards the men in the show, so I seem like a crazy, man hating lady but I'm neither of those things. I just hate being perceived as less than a man and I hate those MRA ass nuggets. The show does a great job of accurately portraying them which is why I feel so much hatred. They did their fucking job. ANYWAYS....) I'm looking forward to starting up season 2 and Season 3 and writing about them. Here's a parting shot before you go:
RIGHT IN THE FEELS
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