orange is the new black season 2 musings
HEY GUYS SPOILERS AND SOME SHIT
Season 2 of Orange Is The New Black is even better than season 1. There's less Larry, there's less Alex, there's a more cohesive narrative and tons of Taystee and Poussey friendSHIPPING going on. I love it. I never really found an overarching theme in the first season and either I'm really fucking stupid or maybe there really wasn't one (each of those possibilities are equally plausible). Anyways, this season is much darker and therefore more enjoyable (apparently I love whenever things go to hell and back). So if the seasons are all a blur for you as they were for me from binging, season 2 is Vee's season, starting off with Piper in SHU for beating the ever loving shit out of Pennsatucky and ends with Rosa running over Vee on the side of the road (JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!).
They really went hard season 2 on some feminist shit. Right from the beginning when Piper is being transported to Chicago for the trial of head-stereotypical-druglord-person, the guards taking her to the plane are saying some crazy chauvinistic shit that I totally vomited in my mouth a little bit. It's so repulsive that I'm going to put it word for word here (because I can't find a video of it) because it's genuinely everything that is fucking wrong with men these days (I know, not all men. But enough.)
This season there's a lot of changes in the hierarchy and a struggle for power and not just between the guards and the inmates but also within the guards (Caputo and Figueroa) and within the inmates (Vee and Red). I love Vee, I mean I hate her, but I love to hate her. She's a great villain. It's nice to have complex, layered villains that evoke mixed emotions from you but sometimes you just want a good ol' fashioned fucking hateful person. Vee is like Umbridge, technically Voldemort is the villain of Harry Potter but you know y'all hate Umbridge more. Anyways, she goes about manipulating people and playing a long con, getting all the pieces in place, the girls on custodial, Taystee as her right hand girl, bribing people at the right time, it's Machiavellian her rise to power. And this isn't like the prison side of her personality, this is just this bitch. When she was out running the heroin game on the streets, police in her pocket, she betrays her "son" RJ and has him killed. And I'm totally going to kink-shame her but Vee saying to RJ "You're a man now. A man that loves his mama." right before banging him is grooooooooooss! So we all agree, Vee is such a bitch and you hate her but you have to admit her hair is fly as shit! Now the most obvious display of power is the COs over the inmates. Even Bennett gets in on this action (and shows his true fucking colors, I seriously can't shake season 3 Bennett, which is the same Bennett but I DIDN'T KNOW, ugh he sucks). I think I overlooked how shitty Bennett was before because he's so damn cute. I'm a flawed human being, guys. But he acts like a real douche, exerting his manhood, this season. Like when he trashes the dorms and screams I'M IN CONTROL, I'M IN CHARGE. If you were really charge, we'd know bruh. We'd fucking know, you one little out of control douchebag. Dude, he uses Daya's pregnancy as like a bartering chip with Caputo to get rid of Pornstache. Daya is like I'm not ready to tell and Bennett is like well I know best you dumb slut! Meanwhile, Yoga Jones points out during their hunger strike that these women in prison are nonviolent offenders and that SHU is used arbitrarily and inconsistently and it's inhumane, the administration is like so? They got shot quotas to meet and old ladies that are too much to take care of and smelly asians girls to force to shower. They've got a full plate on their hands, they can't really think about the fact that everything Yoga Jones says is absolutely true. Now be a good little inmate and eat your dinner.
Now I am going to eat crow a little bit here. Now while I stand by everything I said about Larry, I started thinking about whether that was completely fair. I mean he's a tool and an asshole and he just plain sucks but he's allowed to complain and feel bad or lonely, just because someone is worse off than you doesn't mean you can't feel what you feel. He's still a pretentious ass who should GET A FUCKING JOB and stop bemoaning about not getting laid for a fucking minute or two, but he's allowed to gripe. So perhaps I went a little too hard on him (I think him watching Mad Men without Piper really set me off, that little piece of shit). But don't worry, I got a good Pie Fucker rant saved up for you guys. Larry is such a fucking douchebag, he thinks the journalist wants to talk to him about his trials and tribulations of having been a significant other of someone in prison for like a total of 2 months but the journalist was like anything else in the world would be more interesting than your fucking story, pal and proceeds to tell him that he is an actual fucking journalist and he's looking into mishandled funds at the prison and could he get him into see Piper. Larry is like nah bro and then goes to see Piper on his own and is like so a little birdy told me there's some money shit going down here and will you help me write it and Piper is rightfully annoyed. She's like we broke up, stop orbiting me you goddamn moon and he's like WHAT SO YOU'RE THE SUN? YOU'RE THE WORST! and leaves. Because he gets to, because he's not in prison, he came to the prison to visit his exgirlfriend so he could possibly have another chance of writing something interesting because SHE is the only interesting thing about him and so she's not fucking wrong. Their relationship dynamic? He's a fucking moon while she's the goddamn sun. So he leaves the prison and bangs her best friend, because his world is definitely not orbiting hers. I couldn't have cared less about Larry and Polly this season (or last, but DEF this season). The only good moment is when Piper called them at the end of the season to get one of them to contact Alex's parole officer and Larry is like mew mew mew NO and Polly is like I GOT YOU BITCH. I liked Polly and Piper's friendship and I think both of them are better than the shitpile in the shape of a human that is Larry
No this season the award for 'biggest pile of garbage that supposedly resembles a human being' goes to...... HEALY! He was all about hating on some lesbo action last season, and he still does, but he expands upon it. All women are stupid and should go back to the fucking kitchen. He's a "counselor" (LOL) but refuses to take responsibility for what happened outside between Pennsatucky and Piper (though like I said last time, if he hadn't picked Piper for WAC, Pennsatucky would've never been on the warpath to Piper but OF COURSE it's not HIS fault). He saw what was going to happen and instead of doing his FUCKING JOB he just walked away. Like he genuinely wanted Piper to be killed because she said mean things to him. She said mean things to him because she's a fucking prisoner and he put her in solitary. His feelings were hurt so she deserved to die? UM OK. Anyways Piper is like hey help a sister out with some furlough and he's like nah bitch I didn't help you when you didn't see me not help you and I sure as shit ain't helping you now either, fuuuuuck off I got some more women hating to do. It's not until he runs into Caputo outside of work and Caputo complains about how shit is literally in the shower pipes and how it's their responsibility to keep these girls at least clean and safe. Healy is like HUH never thought of it that way and does a 180 with Piper and helps her get furlough to make up for the fact that he let a crazed Appalachian methhead attack her with a shank made from a cross. Between the inmates, who don't trust him because he yo-yo's around with the amount of helpfulness and his crusade against lesbians, and his mail order wife, who SHOCKINGLY isn't happy to have been bought as a wife, he's got some deep seeded anger issues towards women. He starts going to therapy and, hilariously enough, his therapist is a woman and every time she says anything he flips out on her (must be HIS menses). He right in the beginning calls her a condescending cunt and she seems a little startled he went right for the hard C but she's like ohh little man syndrome LOL. He mocks the things that she says to him, criticizes and tries to belittle her because he's so much fucking smarter, and then uses her exact words or techniques to try and be a counselor. When he starts Safe Place, I think that was admirable and possibly a good idea. But he wasn't doing it to help the girls, he was doing it to stroke he own ego. To show himself how great a counselor he is. And he actually did help someone. He inadvertently made Pennsatucky tolerable (though her not having a band of followers anymore probably helped her likability too). The two of them strike an unlikely friendship. One day while sitting in his office, they bond over their homophobia over about a book called "The End of Men" about how lesbians are making men obsolete. Pennsatucky is like no offense but men being in charge has never done me any good and Healy is like are you eating cookies? Well maybe you should think about that before you start thinkin. But a thinkin she does a do and she comes to the same conclusion, men haven't done shit for her and she joins up with Big Boo and because of that she misses Safe Place and Healy, all butthurt, stomps around the prison going out of his to actively NOT help everyone. It's not until Pennsatucky chases him down and says how great he is does he decide to DO HIS FUCKING JOB (classic baby boomer right there!) and not let an innocent woman go down for a heinous crime she didn't commit (Seriously WTF? Again??). It's exactly like he says at the Valentine's Day party, he is pretending to compromise and meet the women in his life half way but it's more like 15% but it's not because women are bad at math (like he says) but because he's bad at BEING A FUCKING PERSON.
I'm glad this season had less of a focus on Piper and we got to see a lot more of the other girls. I find her story to be super boring and I don't give a fuck about her stupid love triangle with Pie Fucker and Alex. Alex bothers me too, I think it's her voice, it drives me up a fucking wall. I was never a fan of Donna either, it's like her voice has this tone that she's really fucking cool and I can't fucking stand when people think they are 2kewl4school. But I talked previously about how Piper is selfish and resourceful and we see even more of that this season, the stakes are a little higher and her morals are a little lower. Instead of going around Healy to get the track open, she's doing shit like selling off Soso for a blanket and selling out Alex so she comes back to prison. She's embracing her inner scumbag and I do like that.
And here's my favorite scene from season 2, Piper beginning to embrace who she truly is (and set to Tom Waits, fuck yes):
So I'm looking forward to Season 3, that was my favorite season on original watch, wonder if it still will be when I rewatch. Fun foreshadowing setup, the first episode of this season, Piper had to give her underwear to the dude in prison in Chicago to find Alex. They probably mention that in season 3 but I don't remember, I just remember thinking HEY! That's a great early set up! Anyways, til next season (aka later this week)....
Season 2 of Orange Is The New Black is even better than season 1. There's less Larry, there's less Alex, there's a more cohesive narrative and tons of Taystee and Poussey friendSHIPPING going on. I love it. I never really found an overarching theme in the first season and either I'm really fucking stupid or maybe there really wasn't one (each of those possibilities are equally plausible). Anyways, this season is much darker and therefore more enjoyable (apparently I love whenever things go to hell and back). So if the seasons are all a blur for you as they were for me from binging, season 2 is Vee's season, starting off with Piper in SHU for beating the ever loving shit out of Pennsatucky and ends with Rosa running over Vee on the side of the road (JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!).
YAAAAAAAAAAS QUEEN
They really went hard season 2 on some feminist shit. Right from the beginning when Piper is being transported to Chicago for the trial of head-stereotypical-druglord-person, the guards taking her to the plane are saying some crazy chauvinistic shit that I totally vomited in my mouth a little bit. It's so repulsive that I'm going to put it word for word here (because I can't find a video of it) because it's genuinely everything that is fucking wrong with men these days (I know, not all men. But enough.)
Oh god! The way he says "it's degrading" with so much fucking venom, you would've thought he was the one who had been systematically demeaned for merely having a fucking vagina. I feel like its the same way with racists who bitch and moan about not being able to use the N word (oh but THEY get to say it, I'm going to vomit again). Something is being taken away from THEM because they aren't able to belittle you with specific words anymore. UGHHH BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT IS THE WORST (or as I like to call it "treating people with respect" but to each their own I suppose)! And this is a personal rant but I can't fucking stand when guys call women crazy for acting like people instead of complacent, brain dead, fuck dolls. Every one can be "crazy" but what's NOT nuts is expecting to be treated like a goddamn person. Besides, I've been on the receiving end of some psycho ass behavior so lets not even fucking pretend that women have the market cornered on "crazy". WOOF that very first bit got me fucking AMPED! Anyways, another really gross moment is when Figueroa blames Daya for ruining Pornstache's life. WTF? I mean seriously, what the actual fuck? Sure it was technically consensual sex and technically yes Daya did set him up for the fall but Figueroa acts like Daya entranced Pornstache with her baby maker and he was tricked into banging her. He knew what could happen, this isn't the first girl he's popped in here and yet Daya, the inmate, ruined his life. He could've not done it at any time. He was totally coherent and making his own decisions, but Daya ruined his life. Lets not have Pornstache take responsibility of his fuck up. It's like when those newscasters in BUFU Ohio were talking about the football players that like gang banged a drunk girl and taped it all and we're like "their lives are ruined now, they had such promise and a big future ahead of them" UMM DAFUQ?? What fucking future? In the present, they gang banged a passed out girl, the future is looking fucking GRIM. (BTW totally wrote this at the end of last week before my internet went kaput and I heard about the Stanford rapist bullshit and it breaks my heart that it's literally the same situation. We haven't grown at all, have we?) Pretty much, people are the fucking worst.Guard: What's up with the Mila Kunis chick from New Year's?Guard driver: Total psycho. She texted me yesterday 'how about we meet before 10pm sometime.' With a period, not a question mark! The fuck? Ordering me around? And she's got that Kunis face but she does not have that Kunis ass. You gotta have that Kunis ass if you're going to be telling and not asking.Guard: Got to have that ass. Can't abide by demanding, flat-ass poochies!Guard driver: Poochies?Guard: Can't say bitches no more. It's degrading.
I'll fucking cheers to that
This season there's a lot of changes in the hierarchy and a struggle for power and not just between the guards and the inmates but also within the guards (Caputo and Figueroa) and within the inmates (Vee and Red). I love Vee, I mean I hate her, but I love to hate her. She's a great villain. It's nice to have complex, layered villains that evoke mixed emotions from you but sometimes you just want a good ol' fashioned fucking hateful person. Vee is like Umbridge, technically Voldemort is the villain of Harry Potter but you know y'all hate Umbridge more. Anyways, she goes about manipulating people and playing a long con, getting all the pieces in place, the girls on custodial, Taystee as her right hand girl, bribing people at the right time, it's Machiavellian her rise to power. And this isn't like the prison side of her personality, this is just this bitch. When she was out running the heroin game on the streets, police in her pocket, she betrays her "son" RJ and has him killed. And I'm totally going to kink-shame her but Vee saying to RJ "You're a man now. A man that loves his mama." right before banging him is grooooooooooss! So we all agree, Vee is such a bitch and you hate her but you have to admit her hair is fly as shit! Now the most obvious display of power is the COs over the inmates. Even Bennett gets in on this action (and shows his true fucking colors, I seriously can't shake season 3 Bennett, which is the same Bennett but I DIDN'T KNOW, ugh he sucks). I think I overlooked how shitty Bennett was before because he's so damn cute. I'm a flawed human being, guys. But he acts like a real douche, exerting his manhood, this season. Like when he trashes the dorms and screams I'M IN CONTROL, I'M IN CHARGE. If you were really charge, we'd know bruh. We'd fucking know, you one little out of control douchebag. Dude, he uses Daya's pregnancy as like a bartering chip with Caputo to get rid of Pornstache. Daya is like I'm not ready to tell and Bennett is like well I know best you dumb slut! Meanwhile, Yoga Jones points out during their hunger strike that these women in prison are nonviolent offenders and that SHU is used arbitrarily and inconsistently and it's inhumane, the administration is like so? They got shot quotas to meet and old ladies that are too much to take care of and smelly asians girls to force to shower. They've got a full plate on their hands, they can't really think about the fact that everything Yoga Jones says is absolutely true. Now be a good little inmate and eat your dinner.
Now I am going to eat crow a little bit here. Now while I stand by everything I said about Larry, I started thinking about whether that was completely fair. I mean he's a tool and an asshole and he just plain sucks but he's allowed to complain and feel bad or lonely, just because someone is worse off than you doesn't mean you can't feel what you feel. He's still a pretentious ass who should GET A FUCKING JOB and stop bemoaning about not getting laid for a fucking minute or two, but he's allowed to gripe. So perhaps I went a little too hard on him (I think him watching Mad Men without Piper really set me off, that little piece of shit). But don't worry, I got a good Pie Fucker rant saved up for you guys. Larry is such a fucking douchebag, he thinks the journalist wants to talk to him about his trials and tribulations of having been a significant other of someone in prison for like a total of 2 months but the journalist was like anything else in the world would be more interesting than your fucking story, pal and proceeds to tell him that he is an actual fucking journalist and he's looking into mishandled funds at the prison and could he get him into see Piper. Larry is like nah bro and then goes to see Piper on his own and is like so a little birdy told me there's some money shit going down here and will you help me write it and Piper is rightfully annoyed. She's like we broke up, stop orbiting me you goddamn moon and he's like WHAT SO YOU'RE THE SUN? YOU'RE THE WORST! and leaves. Because he gets to, because he's not in prison, he came to the prison to visit his exgirlfriend so he could possibly have another chance of writing something interesting because SHE is the only interesting thing about him and so she's not fucking wrong. Their relationship dynamic? He's a fucking moon while she's the goddamn sun. So he leaves the prison and bangs her best friend, because his world is definitely not orbiting hers. I couldn't have cared less about Larry and Polly this season (or last, but DEF this season). The only good moment is when Piper called them at the end of the season to get one of them to contact Alex's parole officer and Larry is like mew mew mew NO and Polly is like I GOT YOU BITCH. I liked Polly and Piper's friendship and I think both of them are better than the shitpile in the shape of a human that is Larry
I'm going to get this framed.
No this season the award for 'biggest pile of garbage that supposedly resembles a human being' goes to...... HEALY! He was all about hating on some lesbo action last season, and he still does, but he expands upon it. All women are stupid and should go back to the fucking kitchen. He's a "counselor" (LOL) but refuses to take responsibility for what happened outside between Pennsatucky and Piper (though like I said last time, if he hadn't picked Piper for WAC, Pennsatucky would've never been on the warpath to Piper but OF COURSE it's not HIS fault). He saw what was going to happen and instead of doing his FUCKING JOB he just walked away. Like he genuinely wanted Piper to be killed because she said mean things to him. She said mean things to him because she's a fucking prisoner and he put her in solitary. His feelings were hurt so she deserved to die? UM OK. Anyways Piper is like hey help a sister out with some furlough and he's like nah bitch I didn't help you when you didn't see me not help you and I sure as shit ain't helping you now either, fuuuuuck off I got some more women hating to do. It's not until he runs into Caputo outside of work and Caputo complains about how shit is literally in the shower pipes and how it's their responsibility to keep these girls at least clean and safe. Healy is like HUH never thought of it that way and does a 180 with Piper and helps her get furlough to make up for the fact that he let a crazed Appalachian methhead attack her with a shank made from a cross. Between the inmates, who don't trust him because he yo-yo's around with the amount of helpfulness and his crusade against lesbians, and his mail order wife, who SHOCKINGLY isn't happy to have been bought as a wife, he's got some deep seeded anger issues towards women. He starts going to therapy and, hilariously enough, his therapist is a woman and every time she says anything he flips out on her (must be HIS menses). He right in the beginning calls her a condescending cunt and she seems a little startled he went right for the hard C but she's like ohh little man syndrome LOL. He mocks the things that she says to him, criticizes and tries to belittle her because he's so much fucking smarter, and then uses her exact words or techniques to try and be a counselor. When he starts Safe Place, I think that was admirable and possibly a good idea. But he wasn't doing it to help the girls, he was doing it to stroke he own ego. To show himself how great a counselor he is. And he actually did help someone. He inadvertently made Pennsatucky tolerable (though her not having a band of followers anymore probably helped her likability too). The two of them strike an unlikely friendship. One day while sitting in his office, they bond over their homophobia over about a book called "The End of Men" about how lesbians are making men obsolete. Pennsatucky is like no offense but men being in charge has never done me any good and Healy is like are you eating cookies? Well maybe you should think about that before you start thinkin. But a thinkin she does a do and she comes to the same conclusion, men haven't done shit for her and she joins up with Big Boo and because of that she misses Safe Place and Healy, all butthurt, stomps around the prison going out of his to actively NOT help everyone. It's not until Pennsatucky chases him down and says how great he is does he decide to DO HIS FUCKING JOB (classic baby boomer right there!) and not let an innocent woman go down for a heinous crime she didn't commit (Seriously WTF? Again??). It's exactly like he says at the Valentine's Day party, he is pretending to compromise and meet the women in his life half way but it's more like 15% but it's not because women are bad at math (like he says) but because he's bad at BEING A FUCKING PERSON.
Sounds like Healy took a page out of Congress's book #SHOTSFIRED
I'm glad this season had less of a focus on Piper and we got to see a lot more of the other girls. I find her story to be super boring and I don't give a fuck about her stupid love triangle with Pie Fucker and Alex. Alex bothers me too, I think it's her voice, it drives me up a fucking wall. I was never a fan of Donna either, it's like her voice has this tone that she's really fucking cool and I can't fucking stand when people think they are 2kewl4school. But I talked previously about how Piper is selfish and resourceful and we see even more of that this season, the stakes are a little higher and her morals are a little lower. Instead of going around Healy to get the track open, she's doing shit like selling off Soso for a blanket and selling out Alex so she comes back to prison. She's embracing her inner scumbag and I do like that.
And here's my favorite scene from season 2, Piper beginning to embrace who she truly is (and set to Tom Waits, fuck yes):
So I'm looking forward to Season 3, that was my favorite season on original watch, wonder if it still will be when I rewatch. Fun foreshadowing setup, the first episode of this season, Piper had to give her underwear to the dude in prison in Chicago to find Alex. They probably mention that in season 3 but I don't remember, I just remember thinking HEY! That's a great early set up! Anyways, til next season (aka later this week)....
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